Happy Sweet 16!

Caitlin - belleville, New Jersey
Entered on December 18, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: addiction

I’m not going to lie, my sweet 16 year wasn’t so sweet after all. All the high hopes of fun and excitement I had in store, didn’t turn out so high. In fact, everything for me was a low that year. It wasn’t too long ago, because I just turned seventeen but being the person I am today, I feel brand new from the person I was then. I was a selfish person and one that was harmful to others and to myself as well. Most of all, though, I was an addict.

I believe it was high school that had this effect on me. It turned me into a monster, into someone I had always feared. I have always had inner struggles that I didn’t know how to deal with. My past learned how to haunt me in treacherous ways. So as a young child, I was very suicidal. People thought that was such a problem then, but they never saw the problems I eventually developed with. I became an addict to pills when I had just turned 16. That was my breaking point, for I couldn’t live a day without them.

I became a very different person at that point in my life. My friends had no idea who I was, for I was always arguing with them. I would always have random, emotional breakdowns. I would take my anger out on people that didn’t deserve it. Basically, I had ongoing severe mood swings. Anyone that knows the effects of pills, knows that this is what they do to you, they change everything that you are into it’s worst. One day, however, those pills took me to the extent.

I had just got over another extremely random argument with my friends, and as we were sitting in class, I started to break down. I passed to my next class, and it was right then and there I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out into the hallways and started screaming, yelling, and crying like a baby. All the teachers came running to me at once, and no one knew what was wrong. After hours in my counselor’s office, she decided that mental therapy it was for me. I wasn’t allowed back into school until my therapist approved me. I felt so belittled, like I was some kind of animal. Look at what I did to myself! My school didn’t even trust me in their possession anymore.

When I came back, I was looked at so differently by everyone. In fact, I had lost some very important friends during my process of destruction. I was sure that everyone hated me even more at that point. However, I knew so little. After a few weeks, my friendships did recover, as well as my damaged body, mind, and soul. With this downfall, I am sure that I learned more than the average teen should during their high school years.

I believe that in the end, you should just be who truly are. Don’t try and change who you are for the worst, so that you can feel accepted. In the end that is only fake love coming your way and it’s just not worth the pain. I believe that when you need help or some form of a stronger love, that you should search your hardest for it. Don’t give in so quickly because the world seems hopeless, for it is not. There is always another soul out there that understands yours just as well. I believe that you should cherish deeply, all those you love. You have them for so little time, do not be selfish towards them while you do.

I believe that you should be grateful for your existence. Don’t abuse the body that was given to you, because things could be a lot worse no matter how bad the going is at that point. But most importantly, I truly believe you should learn to love and trust yourself. Love who you are now, and reflect on what you were then. Trust yourself against all these wrongs in our world. In all my high school years, this one I will always hold a special place in my heart, for it gave me everything I believe in so dearly, today.