I don’t pretend to know everything about the world, nor do I believe I ever will, but I have learned that life was not meant to be taken seriously all the time. The emotional core of a teenager is fragile- the tiniest issue becoming the apocalypse of the day. I thought I was immune, but supposed immunity cannot battle the pressures a teenage girl can feel when her whole world seems to fall apart. I cannot explain the precise moment when things became too much to bear, but it was the combination of unrequited affections, the desperation for perfection, and an unhealthy self-image- situations I can look back at and laugh at myself. Ask just about anyone who knows me; I am the girl who’s always smiling and seems to love all life has to offer, but at that moment I was the girl with the sharp pangs of failure severing the skin on her wrists. With each new cut flowed a river of emotions that I thought I was incapable of having. While my friends complimented my new found love of pretty bracelets, I used them to hide the physical scars that were only a scratch on their emotional foundation. My cuts were the part of my life that I felt complete control of; they were mine. As trivial as that may sound, in my mind- where everything was falling apart and I had no control- it was the most important thing in the world to have something that was simply mine. But the world wasn’t crashing down. Goodness knows I was going to have to tackle exponentially more difficult obstacles than my teenage problems, and if I chose to deal with them in the same way, with a magnitude proportionate to that of the issue, I would be dead. How scary is it to think that the one thing that I felt I had control of had the potential to end my life? Looking back now I understand the tragedy that I had created. By taking myself and all the miniscule tragedies around me so seriously I almost created the biggest tragedy of them all. I can look back now and laugh, as crazy as that seems, because I survived. The makeup companies have outdone themselves with concealer and I kept quiet making my secret almost undetectable. It took me until now to realize that life’s too short to be taken seriously; you need to learn to laugh at yourself, and If I had taken a moment to examine the situation before I resorted to the blade I would have been able to see that my problems weren’t so bad, but I guess that’s why hindsight is 20/20 and tragedy plus time creates comedy. The game of life is a tricky thing, often times you think it should end because it’s not working out, but it’s called a game, and ultimately games are meant to be fun.
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