Rock Bottom

Sarah - bonney lake, Washington
Entered on December 12, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: change, setbacks

I remember this one particular morning during my freshmen year that I woke up looked at the clock, realizing that I had to get up, but I no longer cared. I was mentally dried form what I thought was useless knowledge from school. Usually I was ready to get out of the house, but this specific morning I felt like I was being tied down to the bed. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t move. It was physically hard on me to get out of bed because I was achy and my muscles felt torn. I wasn’t concerned if miss another day of school or if I got up and went. I whole heartedly believed that my life could have ended right there and it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I didn’t wonder why we were here and quite frankly I didn’t want to know, it would put a damper on my already sunshine filled day. I thought nothing in my life was worth getting up for. I was very depressed and didn’t want to deal with life anymore. I was working very hard to help support myself because my dad was laid off. I was recently let back into the house from being kicked out and having to live with my sister, but in order to stay I had to go see a counselor and attend an anger management group. Even getting high wasn’t giving me that same effect that it once did. I was also in an abusive relationship with a guy five years older than me who was in and out of jail. My spirits were broken because of the abuse. So that very day I started to believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is something that happens to you on four levels: spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally but once you achieve all four it’s usually a short and horrible time at the bottom, but it’s only for a little while. Once at the bottom you realize that there is nowhere to go but up and life will pick back up. When that starts you have to look at life in a positive way to pull yourself up by your boot straps and help yourself along. It will happen and it will get better.

I remember that day very clearly, but I also remember every day after that where things got better and better. Even the tiniest thing that made me smile made that day worth living and that’s how you pick yourself up. I got myself out of the abuse, stop doing drugs, found a wonderful person to share my life with and worked through my anger problems. Life is a lot better now and I will continue to look at things in a positive way.