This I Believe

Nicole - Stafford, Texas
Entered on December 12, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Understanding is one of the few gifts that the Lord has given as his chosen people. By not taking the time to fully understand where a person is coming is hindering us from knowing our true selves, and achieving everlasting happiness.

Recently, I came to the conclusion that my father is going to be my father, and there is nothing I can do about it. He is man if great pride and self arrogance. When I was two years old he and my mother split up because of inconsolable differences. Even today I still do not know why they are not together. When I was younger I was so excited to hear from my dad, the once of twice a year that he called. But I grew older I started to realize that I needed the presence of a father figure in my life Those few phone calls I receive each year were just not cutting it. I tried to reach out to my father and tell him how I felt, but all he did was tell me he is my father, and he can do as he pleases. He would call me on my birthday, actually a month or two after my birthday and pretend that he forgot. He would never call to see how me and my mother were doing unless we called him first. As the years rolled by my anger grew and grew until it just boiled over and I exploded. I hated everything about my father. I hated his voice, his face, his everything. It was even to the extent of me not calling to see how he wad doing at the hospital.

My mother would always try to tell me that he loves me and I should just accept him for who he is. I told her, “Never. I refuse to do that”. By the March 16th, the day of father daughter mass, I realized that I was my father’s child when I do something good, but when I got into trouble I was my mother’s child. For a time I could never really understand why my father was the way he was. Because of the hate I had towards my father, I never really opened my heart to anyone. That was a problem that held me back from opening my hearts in relationships for years. As I was walking across the stage on my graduation day, it dawned on me that by hating my father I ultimately hated myself. Part of him was part of me, and part of me is part of him. It took me a while but I finally understood what my mother was talking about. In order to fully understand yourself, you must be able to understand others. My father may not have been the perfect father figure, but he made me who I am today. I believe that a person must be willing and able to understand the world around them. By doing so they are able to come to the greatest conclusion which is internal happiness.