This I Believe

Jane - Las Cruces, New Mexico
Entered on December 12, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Everyone in some point of their life has to let go of something. Whether it is a high school sweetheart or that childhood friend, everyone in their life has had to give up that one thing that was important. Letting go is a part of growing up, starting new chapter in life. Of course, it is never easy, but life was never meant to be easy. I believe in letting go.

What I had to let go was the person that I was. The person I once was. I can remember her so clearly in my mind. Sometimes I wish that I could be that person again, the person that was not afraid to try new things, not afraid to meet new people, someone who was just not afraid. My mother once told me that she remembers how I used to be. Everyone remembers how I use to be. I remember how it happened, it was a very slow process and yet at the same time it was the quickest moment in my life.

It was the quickest of movements, but it was in that act of violence that drove me to become what I am now. Soon after I ostracized myself from friends, and even my family, I found to be too painful to be around them. They were constantly asking me to share what I was feeling, what I was thinking. It was just too much. Soon I stop trusting people altogether, every time I meet someone new I paint a smile on my face and pretending that I am comfortable with them. In truth it is hard to be around people.

I wish now that I could have been more trusting in both my family and myself to know that I was able to cope with these devastating feelings, instead I was not able to see the darkness that was lying in wait for me, instead I walked with open arms into the shadows, and this is where I remain. Lost in the shadows of my mistrust, only catching glimpses of my former self.

Yet, after everything I know, there is no going back, I can not relive my life. But maybe that is a good thing. I try to live my life now, hoping that I can break the bonds of my alter ego, and maybe even become a better person then I once was. I believe that I will be able to, I believe I will be able to let go, someday.

This essay is for anybody that knows how hard it is to let go, but do not fear it can be done. We can let go of the hurt that plagues our hearts. Remember that letting go can only bring us back. Just let go. This is my truth, my belief.