I wake up each morning wishing for my parents to be together, I have been a child of divorced parents since I can remember. I always wanted the perfect family, where the parents take care of their child and want everything best for them. I never got that from my mother, she was always interested in what new guy was in the bar, and who she can move in with next. Every time there was new boyfriend it seemed as if I never existed.
Having a new man seemed to be my mom’s goal in life. I don’t believe in not having someone who cares for you, but I do believe in loving your children with everything you have. I believe putting your child first no matter what and doing everything that is best for them. My mom has never put me first in her life; I know my role is to follow behind the “flavor of the month.” I craved the attention she gave me when she would break up with another man. Countless times I would hear, “I promise it will be just us girls now” to this day I still don’t trust people’s promises. I would always do well in school to get my mother to say she was proud of me, which never happened. I joined sports teams to show her my ability to excel in something. My mom would go to her new boyfriend’s kid’s sports games, but not mine. I still kept going and doing my best.
I encountered countless nights of abuse from some of her boyfriend’s; I couldn’t believe she could let it go this far. It is one thing to be ignored but quite another to let someone hurt your child. A night that I will never forget, my mom has her boyfriend over and wants me to know him and his son. I wasn’t impressed he was just another skip out in her life in my eyes. Her and new guy went out to dinner and left me with his son. I was eight years old he was fourteen. The night was awkward and he didn’t make me comfortable, by the end of night her son to be molested me. She found out, talked to me about how wrong it was, but then married his dad and moved in with them. She didn’t stop it. She made me go through countless torture and wondering why I was being punished. Again a promise came up that she would take care of me, another promise made into a lie. I was done with this life and done with her failing to be the mother I had always wanted.
I told my mother that I wanted to live with my dad; I wasn’t surprised when nothing changed. Though I had to be brave and change myself for the better. I want to be the perfect mom, support my kids, never ending love, and make sure they know I am always there. My kids will be the number one priority in my life, I know what it is like to be number two. I have learned though from these experiences, that I want to make my life better than what it used to be. I have turned myself around and only relied on myself for the best. My mother tells me she loves me, but what she put me through I could never imagine another person going through the same thing I did. I do love my mom, just not her choices. I believe in unconditional love for children and a mother’s love should always be the priority of her child.
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