This I Believe
Death is my biggest fear. It is the worst part of living, but it is something that we all have to live with. I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid to die. I, just as many others have, had someone who was very close to me die at a young age. That scared me more than anything else ever has.
My Aunt Judy died when I was seven years old. She suffered from Leukemia, one of the worst kinds of cancer, for the last four years of her life. My aunt was like a mother to me. She babysat my cousin and I every day while our mothers worked. Judy was closer to me then my mom was when she was alive. She taught me everything she knew that was appropriate for my age. Our relationship was like the saying ‘Everything I know I learned in kindergarten’. Well, everything I know, I learned from my aunt.
Watching my aunt die from her disease was exceptionally hard for me, and I will never forget some of the things that I saw her go through. I think what scares me most about death, is pain and suffering. I watched Judy go from a perfectly healthy and active thirty-six year old woman, to a sad, sick, and dying human that was drifting away from the world.
I am also scared of the fact that I honestly do not know what is going to happen to me when I die. Am I just going to lie in the ground for all eternity, or is there actually a better place to go after death? I am still at a point in my life where, religiously, I am not sure what I believe. If the spirit really does go to a better place, then I can say that I am not afraid to die. But, if the spirit, like the body itself, lies in the ground, then yes, I am scared. The thought of being in the ground around bugs and other creatures terrifies me.
I would like to believe that everyone goes to a better place when they die, but if someone dies alone or in pain, I believe that death is the worst part of living.
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