I believe that the single most important thing in life is happiness. Something so simple, yet so hard for so many people to achieve. Happiness is something that can not be faked or taught, its just something that one has to find within. Once that emotion has been found, there’s no way to hid it. Happiness seeps from one’s pores, escapes through ones laugh, and creates a light that feeds others. For such a long portion of my life, I lacked genuine happiness. I was almost like some inhuman creature that learned how to be happy by observation and imitation. I could smile a smile very few could top, and I had the ability to create one contagious laugh. I seemed to fool everyone around me but of course, no one knows me like I do. No one is able to understand the real me when I’m alone with myself in my room. Other’s aren’t able to hear my thoughts, or see the faces I wish to make on the inside… no one ever knew how unhappy I really was, no one but myself.
My daily tears were starting to get the best of me, and I decided it was time for me to take action, I needed to create my epiphany in life. I realized that my entire existence has been me depending on outside influences to be happy. If it wasn’t a classic Lucille Ball comedy to make me laugh, it was a day with a good friend. A day alone was a day that I didn’t smile. My intervention was a series of days devoted to me and only me. I turned off my cell phone and began to spend quality time alone with myself. My first action began with the feeling of hunger. I decided to go to a restaurant alone. My heart seemed to be breaking though my chest when I asked for a table for one. At first the food couldn’t seem to pass by the lump in my throat but being alone with my thoughts eased the nervousness and even kept me to eat dessert. My next was a funny movie in which I laughed and ate pop corn alone. At this point I was on about could seven, but there was one thing I was missing to reach my anticipated cloud nine. I craved something that would literally bring me to that ideal cloud of bliss, something that would force me to breath a different air, something that would help me to rise above. I realized that I needed to ride a roller coaster. I sat in the very front and went upon my exhilarating ride alone. I screamed and laughed, and I smiled as I saw the camera approaching. When it was all over I felt a high that I had never felt before, a high that led me to believe I was on top of the world. I went to see my picture on the screen, and for the first time I saw a truly happy girl smile.
My time alone is precious. My time alone is my time to dance like a maniac to a favorite song and sing at the top of my lungs. My time alone is time for me to create my inner happiness, for if you’re not happy with yourself you cant expect any one else to be. I believe in making myself happy. I believe in smiling and laughing when no one else is watching.
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