I Am Only Human

Brandi - South Lyon, Michigan
Entered on December 6, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

“You’re only human.” Being human means a lot of things; you can love, you can hate, you get to make mistakes, but among other things you get to live and learn. The beauty about being human is you’re allowed to make mistakes, but your best mistakes are the ones you learn the most from. When I think about what it means to be human I think of learning and growing.

When you’re human it is ok to make mistakes, no matter the size of your mistake or how bad the decision. For example, when I was 12 years old, I thought I was going to try and fit in with all of the other kids my age. I started talking online. In the beginning it started out as harmless fun. I was only talking to my friends from school and non sense stuff like that. But then as the year went on it was no longer fun to just talk to your friends. It was cool to start getting in chat rooms, and talk to people who were older then you. It was the thrill of them not really knowing how old you were. It was about a month into talking to older boys that the thrill turned into a fear for me.

Time went on and I found myself developing feelings for an older boy who I had been talking to. I know it sounds crazy now, but at that time I was head over heels for him, and it seemed as if he felt the same way. It was a Sunday evening and I had spent all day on the computer waiting for him to sign on so we could talk. Every time I herd the sound of a door opening on my computer my heart would race. Was it him….? No. Then the clock struck 8:00pm on the dot. Ding! I had a new instant message ‘Hey babe! How are you?” It was him! My heart melted right to the floor, but then seemed to be picked up by the butterflies in my stomach. We were about 15 minutes into our conversation when he asked the question I was afraid to answer, “So…..I am going to visit my cousins in Michigan and I was thinking we should meet up.” I stopped dead in my tracks almost as if I were a deer in headlights. What do I do, what do I say? I was at a loss for words. I knew the right answer should be no, but my nervous hands typed “yea, sure why not” instead. As the days went on he informed me he was from Pennsylvania, and reassured me that he had no desire to have a sexual relationship with me. This made me feel a little bit more at ease, but was still on edge and nervous. I just kept telling myself that he was a nice boy and would never want to hurt me. Before I knew it was the night before I was suppose to meet him, I was nervous, excited, anxious, and a little scared.

Turns out my fairytale ending didn’t even happen, actually it never even began. That night there was a story on the news about some young girl who was rapped and killed by some man. The police suspected she was talking to this man online. They also believed him to be from Pennsylvania. I never did say anything to anyone because I was scared of what might happen, so I stopped talking to him. After that talking online didn’t seem like a very good idea, and in some ways scared me. Every time I get a message from someone I don’t know I am always afraid it is him, and that something might happen to me. I learned from that point on, you do not trust anyone no matter how nice and sincere they seem. After all I am only human.