I have been disappointed a lot in my young life. I have been let down by people and have had a lot of goals set that weren’t accomplished. But, as all of these things impact me, and eventually fall away from my memory, I can feel myself being pushed in another direction. It’s as if God were letting me know that the person who disappointed me or goal not accomplished was intended to happen and my life is not near being finished yet. I truly believe that even though life isn’t what I had expected sometimes, I always have God to give the hope needed to move on.
For instance, I remember my junior year of high school. I was in the marching band and I had a beautiful solo with several extremely high notes. On one competition in Cincinnati I was extremely nervous. When I got to my solo, I ran out of breath and was trembling. I did not play it. I remember crying as I came off the field and crying solidly for an hour afterwards. I knew I had let all of my friends down.
Another time, about two years ago, my step-dad started to look at me strangely. He had just gotten a new job as the fire chief in town so, he certainly had a lot of stress on his shoulders. About that time, he and my mother started to have huge problems in their marriage. My mom thought he was extremely depressed. He started giving me these weird feelings and stared at me a lot. My step-father never attempted to sexually harass me, yet my mother and I were both extremely disappointed for a while after that. Soon after, my mother and I moved out of the house, but my sister never believed me when I told her. Still, to this day, our family is broken.
This past year, I worked really hard on my grades. My sister had the same calculus teacher as I was going to have and she had gotten a four on her AP test, which was a passing grade. Now, since I was really little, I always wanted to be like my big sister. So, when she told me calculus was the only class that she passed on the AP tests, this added sufficiently to the pressures of my life. I wanted to pass the test so bad that I dedicated myself to staying after school once a week to get some tutoring from the teacher. I always did my homework, but got average grades on the tests. I dreaded the day that I got my scores. When that day came in July, I opened the letter at the mailbox. I had failed once again. Another goal flushed away.
My faith got me through these tough times. Since I grew up in the church, I knew that one day I would be baptized like all the rest of them. When I was nine, I felt as if God was pulling on my heart. I went up and stood in front of the congregation and proclaimed my faith. The years after were full of church camps and different Christian organizations at school. I believe that my baptism was just the starting point of this great relationship. My faith has grown stronger over the years and it has kept me going when I felt like giving up.
Therefore, I don’t consider my life a “hard” one, not by a long shot. My life has not been what I had expected. I believe that my God has a perfect plan for my life, in which none of these things fit. I believe God has planted a hope in me that will overcome any disappointments in my future. My life will be a success because I have put it in the hands of my God, and he has a plan for my life.
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