I believe that the best time for me to have kids is when I’ve become bored. I mean, if I am constantly busy doing things that I really enjoy, then I will have a lot to lose when my life dramatically changes with the birth of a child. I know that realistically, I would not have time to do many of those things anymore. But recently, I’ve realized a deeper meaning of my belief. I want to have kids after I have already accomplished some important things in my life.
For most of my life, I had this idea in the back of my mind somewhere that it’s ok if I don’t attain full adult responsibilities, like being successful at my job and being financially independent, because I am eventually going to have kids and stop working anyways. When I look back on my life, I see this pattern. The times when I wanted a child the most, were the difficult times, when I was lost. Like when I was a teenager, and being successful just seemed too difficult a task. Or later, after I got married and we moved for my husband’s job. I moved without another job lined up, and became confused about what I wanted to do with my career. It seemed rationale then, that the timing was right to have a child. Part of me thought, “why should I go through the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life if I am going to have kids and stop working anyways?”
I now realize that this way of thinking has hindered me, always giving me an option to quit, if being an independent, successful adult became too difficult. I am so glad that I did not have kids during those stressful times. I think that something inside me knew it would not make me happy to have kids as a “Plan B”, as a result of a previous failure or a void in my life, even though that is when it seemed the most rationale. I want to have kids at a point in my life when I have grown to feel emotionally and financially independent. A point when I am slightly bored, having accomplished some important things and having figured out what makes me happy. I want to do it with a feeling of confidence, knowing that I have had some success in my life, and that I will again. And I hope that this confidence will make me a better person, and a better parent.
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