Where I came from, it is hard to believe in anything good, let alone that God could save my life, as well as my soul. Eph 1: 4, 11 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world…/ having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.” So God knows the plans he has for us and saves us on purpose. I think that’s impossible for anyone to believe on their own.
I grew up in the inner city with five siblings. We were all products of poverty, abuse, neglect, and abandonment. There were no differences between how my siblings and I were raised, yet one is in prison, one was killed because of alcohol, one became an addict, another has lost his mind, all because of the abuse and drugs. Another is in complete denial. Then there’s me, who even as a little girl knew that my life was not normal. Why me and not one of my other siblings? I’ve realized over the years that it’s not me, it’s God, willing me to do His good and perfect will.
For the most part, my father was absent during my childhood and should have stayed absent. My father became an abusive alcoholic, to us children, as well as, my mother. Because of that, my mother became depressed, insecure, and unable to take control of her life, which left us to raise ourselves. Alcoholics can’t keep jobs; therefore, my mother stayed on welfare. We never had anything.
When I was 14, my home life was unbearable. I ended up running away and searching for a normal life, until I realized I was not normal; I was a product of my youth, My life got worse. At the age of seventeen, I became a topless dancer and started taking serious drugs. Through all of this, I knew that I had to start living right. I was deep in sin, yet I knew it, and I feared God. Why did I fear God and know I was deep in sin, when no one else did?
Finally, I hit rock bottom, and only by the will of God I ended up in a Christian rehab. A short time later, I began to hunger for God’s word. I had such a desire to know God and be holy. I couldn’t get enough; it was out of my control. He gave me a new nature, obviously not because I was good.
Since then, I’ve gotten my GED, and I’m in college. I’ve been delivered from drugs and smoking. I’m learning more and more every day about me and why I‘m here. Over the years, God has shown me that it really doesn’t matter what I believed. He is willing me to do His good and perfect will, and this I believe.
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