Finding Strength

Rachel - Floodwood, Minnesota
Entered on December 3, 2007

This I believe, that strength is born into our human nature. Some of us find it quickly, and others hide it away, maybe saving it for when needed most, or they may not know it’s there at all. This kind of strength is not physical, but comes from the soul.

This strength is something I never knew I had until a few years ago when I really needed it. At least that’s what the doctor told me the day my mother took me there. I took a deep breathe as I slowly scooted toward the waiting room door, knowing that that this was just the begining of my battle for strength.

Diagnosis: Bulimia/ Anorexia nervosa. My heart sank as I heard this. Fear welled in my eyes turning to drops of salty tears. I had no idea what had gotten me this far, and certainly no intentions of going back. Looking at me, nobody could guess this was the fate I had led myself to. Two years of hiding a secret that greatly affected my life, yet hidden so perfectly. I had just broken the news to my mother a few days before. With wide eyes of shock, she called the doctor to make arrangements for something she was so unaware of. I had no idea of the process that I was getting into by admitting my problem.

As I sat in the doctor’s office that day, I felt an overwhelming want to get over this so called “disease”. But these doctors and friends gave me hope and courage that I never had on my own. They showed me that defeating this battle was a testimony of my strength. Undergoing appointments with four different doctors each week was another process I had to get used to. Slowly changing my attitude from denial to hopefulness, I began to not only see the beauty of myself, but also in others around me. My diet changed and so did my attitude towards life. I felt as though I had a purpose beyond food and what I controlled. I had confidence to carry on and the want to succeed.

Failure does not conquer if we learn from our mistakes. Strength of the mind can over come any addiction or fear we have. Letting go of what is holding us back can only bring us to a brighter future. Let strength guide your intuition to the greater of your well being. Strength is not given to us, it is born within us, this I believe.