This I Believe

Liz - Guilderland, New York
Entered on November 30, 2007

My best friend died Tuesday, August 21, and 2004. I felt like it was my fault. She was in my grade (4th grade. Her name was Krissy. Krissy was always happy even though that could have been the worst day of her life. She always cheered people up when they were down and had the biggest, warmest smile that no one else I knew had. That night her parents got in a really big fight and she called me to distract her from what was happening between her parents. Her parents argue all the time. I invited her over. She said ok and was going to ask her sister to drive her over to my house. The last words I told her were “bye, don’t worry its going to be ok” but things weren’t ok!

I waited and waited but an hour went by and I decide to call her. When I called no one picked up! I was kind of suspicious but after a while I forgot. The next day everything was good the weather was beautiful and everyone was happy, but not for too long. I called Krissy’s house and her mom picked up. Her voice sounded kind of husky like she hasn’t spoken in a while. At first I thought that she just woke up. I asked her if I could talk to Krissy. Then there was a really long pause until she told me that Krissy died last night. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was shocked! I heard her crying. I felt so bad. I couldn’t feel anything except the hot tears running down my face. Then I hung up the phone. I struggled to walk to my bed. My feet felt heavy and were hard to lift and then I think I closed my eyes and just thought about all the good times I had with her. Basically all the things we did together such as our first crush, our first sleep over, all the arguments we had gotten in. I don’t remember much about that evening except waking up because the door had opened.

My mom came in. At first I didn’t realize why I had been sleeping in the middle of the day. Then it all came back to me. She gave me some food. I even remember what it was; it was spaghetti and some sauce. I pushed it away. How could I eat when my best friend is dead? Nothing seemed right. The weather was bright and happy. It didn’t match my bad mood, and my head was throbbing, probably from crying so much. So many things were wrong. I couldn’t do anything. I felt like the world just ended. I just wanted to go back in time and change everything. It was my fault she is dead. I shouldn’t have invited her over.

I didn’t know how she died until the funeral. My mom said her sister was driving drunk. With someone else in the car and of course it had to be my BEST friend in the whole wide world. The pain didn’t end there, it only began when I switched back to my normal routine, going to school, coming home, going outside to play. The pain started then because you can’t ever get used to someone not being there, just cut out of your life.

God, I miss her so much, but I learned that you can’t hold on to something forever. Everything dies but it keeps living in you, if you know what I mean. Whenever life gives you pain, you take it and deal with it. I believe that life is fair because there are bad things in life but there are also good things in life and they even it out and life becomes fair.

Some of the good things that I got out of being with Krissy were memories of all the good times we had, like I said our first crush. I remember mine, Benjamin. Krissy’s was Jordan. We got married in second grade. I will never forget that. Back then we didn’t know what marriage was but today I laugh about it. Then the day Krissy got her puppy, Coco we loved him he was a light brown color. We used to dress him us in our doll clothes. He looked really cute, I still feel like it was yesterday. Krissy and I loved to blow bubbles. I used to have a little mermaid bubble blower that we were obsessed with. I have a lot more memories of Krissy but I shared most of the ones that I think often about.