I believe that people should find something they love and all for it.
Not long ago, I believed something different, something that ended up giving me a more pessimistic look on life instead of helping me, like it was intended to do. I believed that people should find something that they were good at and go all for it. I thought that everyone had a talent and they should peruse that, but I soon realized that there were some kinks in my belief, two that brought misery and envy instead of happiness and a sense of completion.
I drew another scratch into my sketchbook and looked at my final product, another failure, typical. I threw it away and scratched drawing off my mental list of: things I might not suck at. Of coarse this is how I threw my life away; trying to find something I was good at, so I didn’t feel like such a waste. My friends were all talented. I envied them but I would never let them know that. I hated feeling sorry for, it wasn’t something I was good at either. With that off my list let me go find something else I can try, maybe I would be good at that.
I was at my friend’s house one day. It was a slow day, and I, as usual, was probably thinking about something else I could add to my mental list, but then, for some reason, I did something I didn’t think I would ever do. I told my friend how I was jealous of her. How I thought she was really talented, and how she was lucky.
Then, she looked at me with a look that said “huh?” and she told me, “I’m not talented, I just practice.” That knocked me over the head, more then she probably realized. She wasn’t talented… she just practiced? This should be my turn around point, but it wasn’t enough to completely change my thoughts. It had been to long, but it did get me thinking, even more then I usually did. Contradictions and confusion rose in my head and I fought off the mist in my thoughts trying to make things clear again. My transition was beginning.
Several weeks passed and my mind hadn’t made up its mind, but within my mind much progress had been made. It was a weekend and without much to do I decided to turn on the TV. I surfed the channels trying to find something good on. America’s Next Top Modal, that’s a good one. I caught it during the elimination round. There was a girl, who the judges’ thought was one of the best contestants, who stepped up for her individual evaluation. She was incredibly talented. Tyra asked her, “Who do you believe is the weakest in this competition.”
Surprisingly the girl said, “me.”
She said that she doesn’t really know what she wants and when she saw how sad all the other girls where when they left it made her feel bad because she wasn’t sure if this was what she loved. Between the four girls that where there, and her being the most talented, she was eliminated. Tyra said that in the world of modeling, passion and determination was so much more important then just talent. I was shocked. How could someone be so talented yet be so miserable doing what they were amazing at? How could passion or drive even compare to talent? It was then that the last piece of the puzzle fell into place for me.
Doing something your good at can make you just as, maybe even more, miserable then feeling worthless because you feel like you’re not good at anything at all. I also realized that passion and drive could surpass talent x10 fold. You just have to love it. With this I formed my new belief, and with my new belief I was happier and more confident with everything I did. I didn’t feel misery or envy. I didn’t feel the need to be good at something. It was awesome. I was finally free.
For those of you that are wondering, I do think I found something that I love. If I’m any good at it, I’m not sure and that won’t matter, but I noticed that I have always wanted to be a fighter. Not just a fighter, but a Martial Artist. I plan to begin pursuing my newly discovered devotion of Martial Arts this summer. It will begin with just a class. Then, I will work my way up to a black belt. After that, hopefully to several black belts, but for now I will take one step at a time, starting with a class. Just a class that I will walk into with nothing but passion, drive, and determination that reaches far beyond any talent, because this, I believe.
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