Over the past three years, I have witnessed the systematic destruction of someone I love. He lives in a small country home full of drunken rage and violence. I can remember numerous times that I have stood in the crowded living room and watched a fifty year old man stumble as if he were a baby trying to take his very first steps. People should not have to worry and be scared in their own home but when living with an alcoholic, disappointment and grief gradually becomes a way of life.
There were days that my fiancé would be scared to go home because he never knew the state that his father would be in. He would come home and try to talk to his dad and in return he would hear these words, “You’re an idiot.” I cannot count the number of times that I have heard those words. I have also heard the verbal abuse that his mother is now accustomed to. He has yelled at her and treated her horribly throughout their thirty year marriage. This man creates a living hell for his family and friends.
All throughout the entirety of this man’s marriage, his wife has been accused of every thing imaginable, his son has been ridiculed for every mistake that he has ever made, and their whole life together as a family has been a failure through his eyes. I will never truly understand why individuals turn to alcohol to solve their problems. But I do know from experience that alcohol doesn’t eliminate problems but only increases them.
Throughout this entire experience, I have seen this man tear his family apart and destroy all of his son’s self-confidence. When this man consumes the gigantic bottles of Vodka, he doesn’t just destroy his own body, but also the family that he created thirty years ago. I look at this man and think why would you do this to yourself and to your family? And no matter how hard I try, I can never seem to find an answer. And now each time I see a bottle of alcohol my stomach churns. The memories flood back and hatred is all I see. I understand that people have addictions but they shouldn’t cause conflicts within the home and destroy other’s self-confidence.
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