I was up early one Friday on Valentines day about 15 years ago. My oldest son then twenty two had come home for a visit. I went directly to the kitchen for a cup of coffee as most of us do. On the counter was a card which read, “To Scott, Love, Sam. I thought it was a funny joke that one of my son’s friends played on him and then thought nothing of it. After coffee I went downstairs to start the washer. On the sideboard in the den I passed a present with the tissue paper left opened and at tie laying inside. Next to the box was a card which read, “To Scott, Love Sam”. My heart took a leap to the pit of its stomach. I sat down on the couch and my mind immediately went to all the negative, horrid conversations me and my family had regarding the gay community. Scott was present for most of those conversations. I thought about the my Catholic Religion and how I sprouted it’s horrendous words regarding homosexuality thinking I was teaching love. We even laughed at times speaking of the gay community or seeing them on TV. I thought about my homophobic fears. My heart sank deeper when I delved deeper. I sat with myself and my prejudice and I felt awfully sick.
A while later, Scott, came downstairs and not even waiting for him to say anything I asked, “Are you Gay?” “Sure!, I thought you knew.”, he said. And from there a two hour conversation began. I started to know my oldest son whom I thought I knew so well. It was a preciously wonderful two hours and at the same time an extremely draining 2 hours. My heart opened up and let him in as his heart did the same. I asked him for help in growing stronger with this new found knowledge and asked for forgiveness. Later on I joined PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Gay. There I heard other sons describe their stories and learned others fears, others difficulties. I became angry at my Roman Catholic Religion and myself because I had allowed it to program me. Those two hours with, Scott, was the beginning of the deprograming “progam of me”. I am still in the process of opening my heart and my world into one of which I am tremendously humbled.
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