Sometimes it feels as if all the odds are against me. If I were to focus on the adversity in my life, perhaps make a list of all the reasons failure would be an option, I’d probably hide under a blanket and refuse to venture out. There are countless people who could say the same, I’m not alone in this respect. But I’m a perpetual optimist. I believe that somehow, against all odds, there is always something good yet to come.
I grew up surrounded by family and community. I was a favorite among relatives and friends. I was treated with respect and taught to believe in myself. These positive influences are harbored in my spirit even though the people who instilled them are far away.
I’ve gone from being firmly ensconced in the midst of people who care about me to being fairly solitary. Changes in life circumstances have brought a season of isolation. I’ve felt more sadness and more longing for the love and friendship that I’ve lost than I can express.
Filling my lonely hours with conversations I wish I could have, self-directed pep rallies and prayer, I’ve managed to achieve small successes despite experiencing the bleakest days of my life. I’ve even let my imagination run wild. Oddly enough, to bolster my courage I’ve even fancied myself braving adventures on the high seas or surviving mountain climbing expeditions. During childhood days I used these techniques to combat boredom but now they’ve become survival mechanisms.
I’ve had quiet accomplishments such as starting my own business, helping my children maintain high honor status in school and becoming a white water rafter in spite of a painful back injury. Still, I miss having my triumphs lauded or my conversation sought after.
So much has changed that sometimes it’s difficult to think I’m still living the same life. It’s hard to begin new, but it’s good to remember not to dwell on what hurts and just build on what’s genuine. Sometimes I remember how much I love music and laughter and long to enjoy them again. I think that someday I will because I believe in never giving up. I also believe that good times, maybe even great times, could be just around the corner.
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