I see the light of day through my morning window, and I smile. My morning window is particularly important to me as it shows me a truth. It focuses the tempo of the day, be it warm and sunny or cold and rainy, be it windy or foggy. It reminds me that with every dawning I awake anew. I see the beginning of every day as a chance to start fresh. I know this daily phenomenon is not the experience of everyone. And I do not remember when it first started for me. I feel as if it has always be a part of who I am and how I see the world. Oh, how I wish I could teach it to everyone. Prove to them that light is synonymous with hope. Every breath is a simple expression of hope for the next, and every heartbeat the same.
Life is hard sometimes, dam that’s so trite. Feelings of death come to me sometimes quickly like the flicker of an ignited match other times slowly creeping in almost unnoticeably until its right there beside me, touching be and filling me with a dread that can not be dismissed. But it’s seeing the light through my morning window that I see what I have come to know as hopefulness.
It is hope that I experience with every new day, with that moment I awake and know life, breaths and heart beats. That’s the moment when my mind acknowledges my body, its position its temperature, its condition. And more significantly, it is in that moment when I ponder, “am I happy to be alive or do I want to go back to sleep and wake up someone and somewhere else.” I must admit some days it is the latter. However, in that big window frame, with a couple loose corners lives a strong undeniable feeling of hopefulness.
In college many years ago, I was asked to write a paper over the course of a semester. It was to be a thoughtful essay expressing my conclusion about life from my impressions of the world at the very experienced age of twenty. I procrastinated starting this paper, going round and round with thoughts of good and bad, light and dark, black and white, and some of the dynamics those opposites play out in our lives. I was thoroughly conviced I would fine a way to slide a gray scale of some sort into the equation. The tie in never came. For me it was and is hopefulness and hopelessness that reside on either side of the coin and it is up to all of us to choose between them. My wish for everyone is that they have the experience of a morning window.
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