The Belief in Living Before Dying

Erica - Menomonie, Wisconsin
Entered on November 5, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Sometimes when I skip class or neglect a homework assignment, a feeling of guilt will overwhelm me. Other days I could be a little late for work, or decide that I just don’t want to do the dishes. In these instances I remember what I have learned from an anonymous author. “As soon as you’re born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time” has served to be the mantra of most of what I do. Although with each passing day I feel more and more alive, it is with each passing day that my time lessens as well. What I have discovered is that I no longer care to focus on little mistakes I make on a given day. I believe in doing all the living I can while I can and having all the fun imaginable, for I will never have another opportunity. However I never felt so strongly about any of this until a significant incident in my life.

When I was sixteen years old I met Darin who would serve to be my boyfriend for the next four years. As time passed I grew to care about Darin as much as those in my own family. The more time that passed, the more problems began to present themselves. Darin asked me to do things like distance myself from friends he deemed bad influences, especially males. For a while I felt like Darin knew what was best for me, so I did the things he asked me to do. Well after three years in the relationship I was no longer having fun. Worse than not having fun I was miserable. I tried to make changes in the relationship for the next year, to bring things back to a positive place. In the end nothing could be altered except my decision making. One night I reflected back on the relationship and I felt like I was in standstill. In this moment that I realized I was not living, and we were dying. I wasn’t living life the way it is intended to be lived. Life should be unforgettable moments, good and bad, but with all sorts of fun mixed between. I ended the relationship in order to get my life moving again. Ever since then I have lived each day to the fullest, and make fun a top priority in my life.

From the day I was brought upon the Earth, I began to lose the most important thing in the world which is time. The times I remember most are the fun times. I choose to try to make as many fun memories as possible, each and every day. While there are important things to achieve with each day passing, good times are inevitably integral to all that is done in life. I know that it is simply the thought of the next fun time which keeps me motivated every day to live and to accomplish. I simply remember to make the most of it all because even when I’m not truly living in life, I’m still dying. I believe death before death is by far the worst fate imaginable.