By age 3, my father committed suicide. By age 12, I felt like an adult, having to take care of my brother, while my mom drank her sorrows away every day and night. By age 16, I realized there is no god and that I must depend on myself. I do not need a bible to preach to me what is right and wrong. I thought what ‘he’ says is a matter of common sense.
After my father left his family selfishly, it was hard for my mother to get back on her feet. While she turned to alcohol to solve her problems, my brother and I sometimes had to stay at family and friend’s houses because she couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time. I felt more mature than my own mother because she was looking for an answer in something meaningless. This made me worry constantly about her. Then I developed scoliosis, you might be thinking, well everyone has some degree of curvature in their spine, but mine was 60 degrees and increasing. Me growing up so fast emotionally and feeling like I had to take care of my own mother put weight on my shoulders and this somehow created this rollercoaster curve in my spine. I now have a 17 inch scar on my back along with many screws, bolts, and bars. This toolbox I call my back leaves me unable to bend my back at all, everyone just thinks I have good posture.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my mom, even though she had her downs, she’s been up for five years and is always there for me now. She’s the best friend I could ever have. We lean on each other. We completely understand each other because we’ve been through this together. She still has her down times, but who doesn’t. I’m finally able to act my own age – but somehow, I’m at the age I was acting to be all along.
Even through all of these hardships, I believe in making it through. Everyone knows what’s on the other side of a silver-ringed cloud. Whatever I’m going through, I have hope in myself that it will get better. I will not give up on myself even if there isn’t a silver ring around the cloud. I believe in myself and with some help can pull through anything that happens to throw me off this obstacle course called life. You just have to pick up the pieces, brush yourself off, and keep on walking. These adversities have made my beliefs today: able to appreciate the happier times instead of continuing worrying about how I could have changed events, but what happened happened and the past cannot be changed. So keep your head up and look on the other side of the silver-ringed cloud instead.
And remember: you can’t feel happiness without experience sadness.
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