This I Believe

Nic - Minneapolis, Minnesota
Entered on October 29, 2007

Remember a time when you desired something so much, when you’ve been waiting for the moment of truth. You get that antsy feeling in your fingers as they rapidly twitch upon your thigh. As your leg shakes up and down, shaking three to every second that ticks to another minute. You’re looking around quickly; glances here and there, you don’t really notice what’s around you but you’re looking for that special something. Time keeps dwindling down and still nothing. As you impatiently stand up and pace back and forth you start to think to yourself, “What’s taking so long?” You look at your clock to see how long you have been waiting. Seconds turn to minutes, as minutes turn to hours. You start asking yourself questions, debating with yourself whether or not it’s worth it, but “NO! You have come too far to let this go now.” Getting frustrated with yourself and still nothing happens. No one to call and check up, no one to help you, just smack dab in the middle of nothing, as you ponder to your beautiful, nothing ambiance.

What you see is all you get. If you want something you will have to work more than hard to deserve it. Walking is endless, you scream to yourself, running into the depths, hoping you can finish sooner than later, making a goal meaningful. You strive for the healer that will relieve your pain and impatience behind in your footprints you made known to those who follow your path. It’s too late, you made your mark, stick to the plan, and whatever you do… don’t look at the seconds pass. If you want something that bad, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. Whatever happens, don’t let anything get in your way of what means most to you.

This previous summer I went backpacking, with five other guys, for thirty days in the Rocky Mountains, in Northwestern, Alberta, Canada. The trip turned out to be an experience different than I imagined. I thought my time would be more bonding with the guys, getting to know each other, and just going for a walk in the park. It turned out that I didn’t learn much about the guys I was with, but I learned more who I was. When you are in the middle of nowhere you think a lot. I thought the most about what I take for granted, and I never realized how much things meant to me when I didn’t have them.

Music is my favorite pill. I believe music can affect people’s lives in so many ways. It can relieve my anguish, or if I need to get away from everything and tune out, or it could simply be that I have strong emotions and music is a way to express myself. For example, I was upset because I got into an argument with my parent. It was building up inside me as I clenched my fist until my skin turned pale, and I needed to let it out. One, I could scream hoping that no one thinks I’m in danger; two, I could kick and punch till I hurt myself; or three, I could let someone else do all the work and listen to hard rock, screaming, lyrically moving music.

It was very difficult for me, on my trip, to not have music. The first half of the trip I would complain how I didn’t have any music to listen to when I needed to chill out or get a move on. I would get frustrated with myself because I was debating whether or not this was worth leaving everything behind. And I would think of angry music. As I thought about what else I left behind, and I would be upset and think of depressing music. One thought after another, one song blended into the next. During the second half of the trip, after my homesickness and anger management, I realized I wasn’t going to get music any time soon. So I said to myself, “Screw it”, if I can’t listen to music, I’ll make my own, and every day from then on, I sang. I cooked singing, hiked singing, swam singing, and sang singing. I was to the point where I didn’t care about anything other than hearing music. I didn’t mind how much I sucked singing but, “Hey, that’s a good song”. Looking back at my trip, everything turned out to be grand. When I got home it was the little things that made my life great.