This I Believe

Bobby - chandler, Arizona
Entered on October 25, 2007

This I believe. I believe in God, but not the way I used to. And by this I mean I am no longer a Christian.

Growing up, I was a diligent Catholic, attending church with my entire family. I thought that mass was boring as most kids do, but I still believed wholeheartedly in God, I never questioned any aspects of the religion, I was just told it was fact so I believed it.

Around third grade however my mom started taking us to a modern Christian church, my Dad still preferred the Catholic Church and didn’t accompany us. So it was just the four of us. I didn’t like it for a while, but around freshmen year I became ecstatically devoted. I would go at least twice a week, and I would attend every youth group camp that I could. I now felt like good Christian and I loved it.

But then something happened—towards the beginning of sophomore year, I missed a Sunday because I was on vacation. I missed the following Sunday because I was at a friend’s house and his family didn’t go to Church. The next Sunday I simply slept in. And finally I just didn’t go because I didn’t want to. It felt weird at first. However I never saw any of my friends from church at school, so the memory quickly burrowed itself into my mind.

I started to doubt all my past beliefs and the truth of the Bible. Even though there have been items proven correct in the Bible, many have also been disproved. I couldn’t fathom how such a book, with so many errors, could evoke a religion.

The past summer my brother returned from college, and once again my ideas were changed. He started to talk about the universe and all the complexities of it, how it’s expanding especially. We kept on discussing late into the night, and the conversation finally reached God. I was astonished to hear, he had also started doubting Christianity but not entirely. He was in support of Evolution and the Big Bang theory, and he believed God was behind it.

I’ve thought for a long time about it and have developed my idea of the Universe itself, and how it ties into religion. I believe there is and intelligent designer, or was at some point. I believe that the Universe is a complex machine that has many gears turning inside of it, constantly changing it. But I don’t believe in the Christian god or Jesus. I believe in science and reasoning.