I believe that change is inevitable.
I used to have a best friend. We had everything in common: the same sense of humor, same taste in music, sometimes even the same thoughts. We were inseparable. Then high school came and we began to drift apart. It hurt me so much and I made no secret of the impact this failing friendship was having on me. My other friends offered words of comfort and sympathy, but I didn’t listen. I was too caught up in my emotions to believe that maybe this all had happened for a reason. We were fourteen years old. We were changing. I just spent too long refusing to accept it. I, being the person I am, overanalyzed all of this, wondering why things went wrong. I don’t want to do this anymore. Everything does happen for a reason, whether we choose to believe it or not. Things change. People change. I’m finally beginning to understand this.
Life really is too brief to not accept what is thrown at you. Although I say this, I would also be the first person to tell you that I don’t always accept and get over things. What you do and what you believe can be two very different things. I worry. I over-think. I let negativity from my family, my friends, and myself bring me down. It’s hard to get over this. The process of writing this essay helped me to discover a lot that I’ve been hiding even from myself. I want to stop doing what I’ve told myself repeatedly not to do: waste away before I ever really get a chance to start living it. It sounds reminscent of Alcoholics Anonymous, but I believe that the first step in solving your problem is admitting that you do, indeed, have a problem. Even though I don’t always get why something happened or why it affected me so much, I try not to let these situations bother me as much as they used to.
I find it hard to believe that I’m closing in on adulthood and there’s so much I want to accomplish, so much that I wish I could’ve done. I’m not upset about it, though. This old best friend and I have since patched up our problems and now we’re fine. I’m fine. I know that I still have, despite the brevity of life, many years to enjoy doing what I want to do. I want to travel. I want to learn to play the upright bass. I want to be happy. I want to be different from this person I know now. I’m going to do the things that I want to do and meet new people and learn so many things. I’m going to change.
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