This I Believe

Tatiana - Dallas, Texas
Entered on October 14, 2007

This I Believe:

I’ll Be Happy

A long time ago, I had decided that that in order to live a good life I’d have to be happy. A lot of people don’t care how they live their life, but I do, and I believe this thought is what guides my decisions, my morals, and makes me who I am today.

I’ve learned how useless it was to mope over a failing grade on a report card, humorously I find there are a lot of people who couldn’t give a damn, but it does make me feel like I failed everyone around me and those who try to support me. But what became important to me was that I didn’t fail myself, that I could be content with myself and my actions, and that would make me happy. I learned that there was no time for crying, to only give myself five minutes, and then go on. There is always homework to do, and things to study; there was just no time to cry for myself.

I’ve learned how useless it was to cry over things I can’t control. It wasn’t my fault one sister became pregnant and the other decides to skip school. It isn’t my fault that one sister continually makes dumb decisions and the other finds herself too busy trying to impress her friends she forgets who she is. It isn’t my fault, and it has taken me a long time to accept this. Constantly, I believed it was my inadequate role as a sister that caused everything, but now I begin to understand that we all strive for something different, and I care in a way that they don’t. I learn and make sure I don’t make the same mistakes, because I’m striving for a different goal than they are; I want to be happy.

I care about making good grades to make my momma proud, I care about having a lot of money so I’ll be able to be the aunt/big sister who spoils their nephews/siblings, I care about having a good job so my family will be proud of me, but most importantly, I care that I don’t fail myself. That I don’t give up, throw up my hands, declare that I don’t care anymore, and accept defeat – and then, I would have truly failed, failed myself.

I believe that I be content with the things I do in my life, that it is important to care, and in the end, I’ll be happy.