I believe my tears aren’t cried in vain. That somewhere somehow God is feeling my pain. My deepest thoughts, fears, dreams – the ones I don’t dare speak out, not even to myself – are being taken seriously and looked after with keen interest. I believe that the injustices, rudeness I face are not being overlooked. I believe in the power of tears; there’s power in admitting that I can do nothing on my own. I need in my life a greater force to act on my behalf. There’s power in surrendering and
when I find that I have no more tears to cry, I’m certain that He’s collected them all. My jar of tears are now filled with the invisible
force of hope. Certain that circumstances must change. I must now draw on another strength because my own has failed me. I believe that one day soon I’ll be stronger than I am today. That my no’s will turn to yes. And no longer will I have doors close before rather I’ll have all the keys to pick and choose which doors to open. I believe in the others that have come before – the Tyra’s, Liya’s, Gisele’s, Heidi’s – those who have created a world of no’s into a world of yes. I believe that I will one day be added to that list. And can only hope that my troubles, pain, disappointments, will be overshadowed by my success and joys. I
believe this is a huge test of my faith. And what do I find myself doing or being? I find myself empty. My energy drained, my shoulders slumped. But I refuse to stay this way for long for I know my tears have been
counted, my shame noticed. My happiness must not stem from my current situations rather they must come from what I’m certain is to be my bright future. I don’t know how and I don’t know when but not knowing will make it all the sweeter. But I do know I have to keep on going, keep on trusting. I refuse to shrivel up and die. What I seek will one day be mine. And my tears will no longer well up from hurt but from a truly grateful heart.
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