Eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinting, fingers drumming…foot tapping, lower lip biting, maybe eraser chewing. That’s me. My desk lamp burns the top of my head which looms over my seeming two-ton textbook. I’m drowning in its sea of pages, or I’m hanging out to dry because thy holy textbook is revealing no answers. Just a situation. I could be running off somewhere and running out of time. Or, I’m deciding the next step in my life or giving advice for other people. Or, people’s stares and unspoken thoughts written all over their faces as they look at me has my head spinning and heart throbbing crazily-like I’m running infinite miles, not falling in love. Or, I’m wondering who I am, what love is…what life holds, why why and why. Or you could just call it all stress, the ever present inevitable opposite to calm and relaxation.
Homework, schedules, relationships, my future, life, so on and so on…it all gets really stressful. I’m near pulling out my hair or on the verge of tears-figuratively speaking. Sometimes too many things feel like they’re all crashing down on me. I want to curl up in corner and sleep, hoping everything bothering me will all go away on its own. But no. It piles up and up and up-then I’m aggressive, annoyed, grumpy…a dark maelstrom of everything unpleasant, you name it. And then nothing’s any better! …Usually, it gets a lot worse. I could just scream.
Life is too short-some cliché or a form of one. And yes, it is. I forget lots, but it always hits me that there are opposites in life, just as a coin always has two sides. Rain or shine, work or play. More than once I figure out that life needs moments of chilling out, downtime, kicking back-whatever you call it. Relaxation-the blissful opposite to stressing out. I realize that I-if no one else (although I doubt it just applies to me)-need to have fun in life. I wanna go listen to three hours of music while staring into space. I wanna go window shopping and “robbing” my daddy later. I wanna just do something I wanna do. Be locked in my room like a crazy scientist. Be like a five-year-old demanding that lollipop bigger than my face. Be stupid, or smart-depending. Yeah, moderation can’t be ignored either. It’s no good just grabbing life by the horns via illegal things, too much pleasure, and/or anything to the extreme. I’ve gotta remember that whole coin thing-two sides. So if there’s fun and good times, I’m gonna have to expect rainy days and nail biter moments.
The simple life should be an oxymoron-simple complexity. Life among so many other insane or philosophical things (take your pick) consists of a lotta good and bad. But everyday I’m going to remind myself to remind myself that life need not be all work, no play (or all play, no work). I need to chill out, and by that I can also deepen my understanding of life, what I need to do to lead a good life, and even grow in faith. Stress is not a 24/7 thing. It would kill me if it was. So along with all my other personal mottos, I have one more-secure my breaktimes.
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