Independence. Partially gained by age, partially earned by responsibility. Independence is something that can not be taken lightly. It is what teens wait for their entire childhood and what adults cherish. When your time of independence nears, you must grab it. But what if the chance to retrieve it is right in front of your face screaming out to you and you don’t grasp it? The opportunity to become an adult and gain many more privileges is in the palms of your hands and you don’t hold on to it or even attempt to be more independent? To some this may seem like a comical statement, but what if I told you that these statements were my own actions?
Born into a home as an only child being raised by only my mother there were always standards the both of us lived up to. Not because the public was judging us, but rather because this was how we were going to survive. My mom took care of herself and nourished and pampered me. With no brothers or sisters to look up to, or any other close relatives to turn to, my mom was my rock. I came to her by choice for advice, support, love, acknowledgements, anything my young heart desired.
I made my way successfully through elementary, middle, and high school. Along the way I accumulated some great friends who were by my side and also dealing with the same issues, goals, ideas or dilemmas most teenagers in high school deal with. My best friend at the time wanted to go to Howard University. She knew she was going to be a lawyer. It was her dream and had been so since the age of three. Then there was me. Great student, extremely social, involved in activities, but I was missing an important quality; a dream. My own dream. I was living my life, but was feeding off of my friend’s dreams. We had made plans to go to Howard as a double team of cutie pie trouble. It seemed like an ideal college life; being with my best friend, going out to social events with other college people, having a blast, but that’s all it was. A portrait in my mind. I had no clue what GPA I needed to get into Howard. No idea what my test scores had to be, the cost, anything. Hell, I didn’t even know which state Howard was located in! I sat around enjoying the view, more less, and expected the job to be done for me.
My situation became worse as time progressed. I transformed from the perfect daughter who always did what was expected of her plus more, helpful, cleanly; to the procrastinator daughter who wanted people to help her. I began to ask people to write down the homework assignments for me incase I didn’t. I asked my mom to make a chore chart for me, which only consisted of washing dishes and keeping my room clean. I wanted constant reminders for simple every day activities. It wasn’t that I was lazy. It was as if I had brainwashed myself into thinking that I was not capable of figuring out the information or task on my own. As my age increased I was supposed to increase my capabilities and responsibilities, but rather, I was limiting them.
One brisk Monday morning it was almost as if God had said, “Okay Taylor, you’re on your way to being a woman today. I am giving you the gift of independence.” My world flipped around and my whole demeanor of my responiblilites had changed. I let my mind speak, not the minds of my friends or mom. Other people’s opinions are important of course, but the most crucial opinion is the one of which I come up with myself. I discovered that if something was going to get done, I must do it on my own. Things do take time. I am currently still completely lost on a carreer fit for me, I am not exactly positive on which college I would like to attend, and occasionally I want people to do things for me, but we are all human. The possibility for success is not just a possibility anymore, it is happening right now. I am grateful that my mom was always by my side, and on my case, and I am also grateful to my current best friend for helping me through my time of emotional struggle. Through all the fog and haze that has been blocking my vision of life I have come to realize
your future is in your own hands, you can’t expect anyone to plan it for you. This I believe.
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