This I Believe

Andrew - Lexington, Kentucky
Entered on October 7, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe in the power of true faith. For many years I have been struggling on my spiritual journey to find what my faith means to me, and even what that faith is. I was not in church during the formative years of my childhood. It was a place I visited on occasion, and learned about mostly from hearing others talk about it at home or on television. It was the place where God lived, and I went for weddings and funerals. My mother is a strong believer, but a tragedy in our family when I was very young caused the absence during that time when I would normally have been in Sunday school learning what the Bible meant, and forming bonds with others of the same faith. Later in my childhood when she wanted to reconnect me with this part of my family’s life, it was difficult to suddenly be at that place every Sunday that I didn’t really understand, and didn’t feel a connection to.

This caused a great sense emptiness for most of my adult life. I have felt alone. I have felt there was no direction. Most of those around me share this great fellowship with each other, and I often feel outside its sphere of inclusion. My journey has been difficult, and I have doubted I would ever find what I was looking for.

When I was almost out of the courage to continue, I was given a gift in the form of a true believer. A person who has become very dear to me, and has shown me perhaps the truest faith I have witnessed in my life. She devotes herself to her faith on a human and real level. It is not for show, it is not for the benefit of others simply seeing her do it. She does it quietly; yet at the same time openly, in such a personal way that it is part of her every action, even if she herself does not realize it. She does it when no one else is watching. She proved to me that true faith is not blind, as some would have you believe. True faith cannot be because you were taught it. It has to be because you discover it. She has had great doubts, she has struggled with what Christianity has told her, and through it all, at the end of the day, she can still say she believes.

Can any faith be called true if it has never been tested? Until you have been brought to the point of questioning if your entire spiritual life has been only a shadow on the battlefield of doubt, and then risen above and declared “I believe”, can you really say you have found your faith?

I have always believed there is something larger than myself. The struggle has been what that something is. I am still looking for my place, but I am inspired now to believe that there is a place for me to find. I believe in those with true faith, regardless of what faith they devote themselves to, and I hope my journey leads me to them.