This I Believe

Catrina - Spanaway, Washington
Entered on October 6, 2007

For many years I honestly believed that my biggest belief, the one that has never nor will ever change, is that you can choose your fate instead of letting it choose you. Well after getting the text book definition of fate I found out that it wasn’t necessarily changing fate that I believed in, but more that infinite possibilities exist and because of infinite possibilities you can change how your life would have or could have been.

• Fate is defined as: destiny: an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future. -http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=fate

When looking at the definition of infinite possibilities you have to define both words to understand its exact meaning.

• Infinite-infinite (having no limits or boundaries in time or space or extent or magnitude) – http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=infinite. And possibilities-possibility (a future prospect or potential) – http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=possibility.

After looking at both definitions, infinite possibilities mean that the possibilities of your future outcome are unlimited. I believe that any and all choices you make in your life can or will have an effect on what it was “fated” to be.

While growing up my parents always made sure I had many choices. They hoped to teach me independence, responsibility, and most importantly consequences (cause and effect). Most of my choices at that time were small and unaltering. What to wear, what to eat, what to play…As altering and important as they seemed at that time, I came to realize that it was the more important decisions in my life that were going to matter or alter what I have always viewed as my fate..

As you get older you start to not only be given independence but you also start exerting it. I think I was about 14 when I took it upon myself to take my independence and run with it. I had a broader range of choices to make from that point on. Although I didn’t always make the greatest choices, many of the choices I made helped make my life what it is now.

The first significant choice I made was who to be friends with. At 14 I thought that I could conquer the world. I was an A-B student, stayed out of trouble, and as my mom would say “a pretty good kid”. My parents had just moved us out of Spanaway which is were I spend most of my “good” childhood at, where pretty much all of my friends were, and I didn’t want to be where we were. My best friend decided that she wanted to help me make friends, so I started hanging out with her and her friends. During the two years we all hung out I started smoking cigaretts, smoking pot, doing various harder drugs, drinking,running away from home, and had been with a very abusive boyfriend. Everyone my mom knew told her that I was a bad kid, I was hopeless. I was never going to grow up and be responsible, that I would end up in jail and nothing anyone could do would prevent it.

The next life changing decision was dating. After already starting down a very long and bad path at 15 I met a guy that I thought was wonderful. We “dated” off and on for a year before I found out I was pregnant. I chose to keep my baby. 15 and pregnant was defiantly not the greatest choice but my daughter saved my life. I was still in school, I was still a kid and I was having a baby. My daughter Gabrielle is almost 12 and is one of my life’s greatest achievements. When I was 4 months pregnant with Gabby I met my 1st husband. We dated off an on for 3 years he was in the delivery room when Gabby was born April 4,1996, and never really left her side. He was and still is in all essence her “daddy”. Paul and I were married January 9, 1999. I was 8 months pregnant with our son and was still very unsure about how it would end. March 8, 1999 I gave birth to Timothy, and then on August 9, 2001 I gave birth to another beautiful little girl. After Malysa was born it became more apparent that the end of my marriage I dreaded would happen, was “fated” to happen. Despite the both of us trying we decided to separate in December of 02, and finally ending in divorce October 7, 2005. I gave birth to Kenneth September 19, 2003, to this day Kenny has no knowledge of his real father. The choice I made to be with a man and keep my son cost me a wonderful friend and a child his father.

I met my 2nd husband on November 18, 2004. He was a wonderful man who changed my life and what I believed as my “fate” forever. Sam and I were friends for about a week before we started dating. Thanksgiving Day of 2004 he told me that he knew he wanted to be with me forever. My kids loved Sam as much as I did, Gabby asked permission to call him daddy, Kenny knew him as “daddy”, and Timmy and Missy loved him but they knew who their dad was and it was always respected. Sam and I were married March 25, 2005. But because of some bad choices on both parts it ended in bitter separation July 1, 2005 and divorce June 8, 2006

Where I stand today and how infinite possibilities became my biggest belief. I look back at all the people who said I would never be responsible or grow up. The people who said I was hopeless and would end up in jail. Had I made different choices back when I was 14-15 years old my life defiantly would’ve ended up different. Had I not gotten married to my first husband I wouldn’t have my wonderful kids. Yeah my life might have been easier but. I have never been to jail, I got my GED when I was 17, stopped doing drugs, and for the first time in my life am a single mom. The last 18 months alone has taught me a lot about life and has made me stronger than I have ever been.

Infinite possibilities are the possibility that anything can happen…I believe that I’ve changed my fate just by the decisions I’ve made. I know my life would’ve ended up a lot different had I made better decisions, but I also know it could’ve ended up worse had I made worse ones.

The best thing I can tell someone would be this. Weather you believe that the only fate you have is that you were born so one day you will die, or that you’re whole life is “fated”. Despite which you truly believe make your choices wisely. Your past choices effected who you are today, and tomorrow today will be your past. Think about how you want your tomorrow to be. I know I will keep on making my choices as my life progresses, but now that I know that its not fate that I believe in but that anything is possible, I think I’m going to think about my choices a little bit longer before making decisions so that my “fate” isn’t one that I wouldn’t want but is one that I choose.