This I Believe

Max - Woodburn, Oregon
Entered on October 2, 2007

I believe in change.

I believe in change. I do not have to stay the same no matter where I am at in my life. Hopelessness is what drove my life and everything I did. It was what led me to drugs, addiction to meth and to a destructive lifestyle. I didn’t know that change was possible and this led me to think that the way I presently am is how I will always be for the rest of my life. Feelings of despair and depression ruled me and dictated what I did. I had no purpose whatsoever. I had no idea what I wanted. I couldn’t imagine what I would be like in my future. I couldn’t see where my life was going. It all seemed like I was still and not progressing anywhere, not moving forward or backwards but falling and drowning down into darkness.

I didn’t realize this at first but my addiction started affecting my relationships with friends and family. One by one my relationships went down the toilet as I continued to stay loyal to my addiction. Pretty soon it got to a point where I wasn’t just hurting myself but I was hurting my close ones around me. When I would have times of withdrawal from meth, I would get very mean, moody and angry at everything and everyone. During these times I would mistreat my girlfriend. I would randomly yell at her and get angry for no reason. I was hiding the fact that I was doing drugs from her. Eventually this relationship broke off but as I would get high again, I would lose sense of reality and not care. This was not the only relationship my addiction affected, my parents noticed that I was becoming different, that I was no longer the person I use to be. They began to get very worried about me when they would find drugs, pipes and random money in my room. I lost all their trust and every word I said to them meant nothing. Almost everything I would tell them was a lie. I started hating my parents and the fact that they cared so much about what I was doing.

I was not the person I wanted to be. This is not what I wanted to become when I thought of my future as a little boy. These thoughts developed a strong desire and hope for change. As I started believing in change, I started walking out of my horrible lifestyle. Although it was a long process, I made it. I didn’t let anything destroy my belief that change was possible.

Ever since, Things are quite different now. I see exactly where I want to be; I see myself reaching and achieving the goals I have for my life. The vision I have for my life is clear and now I always see myself being the person I will become and always wanted to be. Self-motivation pushes me to go on and not give up no matter how bad or how much I keep on screwing up. Failure is no longer failure for me but is just another thing that motivates me to try harder.

Although many things have changed since I overcame my drug addiction, there are still issues and character flaws I am dealing with. Some of these thing will take time to change, but I now believe in change and this is why I am in control of my own destiny.