I believe that my addiction will kill me, but that the one I love will keep me alive. The strength that comes from that love is strong enough to hold up buildings, to fly to the moon, and most importantly, keep me breathing.
I’m 19.I’m a college student. I work full time. I’m an active Christian. But, I’m also a drug addict. I’ve been dealing with this addiction for four years. I’ve been in rehab twice. But through it all, my addiction is still there.
I go through sober stints. I go through binges. I can go months and months and months without touching the drug that I crave, and then one day, I crash. Things just get to a point where I feel like I can’t take it anymore, and I crash.
I never thought I’d end up a drug addict. When it started I didn’t even realize that I was addicted. It took shrinking to skin and bones, and dying to make me realize that I needed help. I was a skeleton. I am five foot six and weighed barley a hundred pounds. My eyes shrunk into my head, and my body was slowly shutting down on me.
When I was an addict I met him. I went out with a friend and there he was. We talked, but it was nothing important. For the next few years we talked a little, and one day he asked me to hang out. After that, it was all over. We’ve been together for over two years and without him, I don’t think I would have made it to a year sober. He drove me to my meetings. He sat with me in waiting rooms. He held me when I cried, and laughed with me when I needed it the most. He took me out to eat to help me gain the weight, and talked me through my panic attacks. He still goes for ice cream runs at three in the morning when I need it. He takes care of me.
I know that even know, with it being a year into sobriety, it can still happen. I can still have that day where I just can’t take it, or he won’t be home, or I just won’t be strong enough, and it’ll happen. I know that even now, being sober, I’m still an addict. I know that I’ll live with this addiction for the rest of my life. But I also know that he’ll be there with me. That through thick and thin we will be together, and we will overcome this addiction together, and that I don’t have to deal with it alone. Love will keep me alive.
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