This I Believe

Griffin - La Grange Park, Illinois
Entered on September 27, 2007
Age Group: Under 18

I believe that the world would be a better place if Larry the Cable Guy did not exist. I feel this way about the entire Blue Collar Comedy Tour (with the exception of Ron White who is actually bearable and occasionally funny), but none of the performers infuriates me quite like “Larry,” whose real name is Daniel Whitney. There are several reasons for my belief, the first and most obvious being that he is just incredibly stupid and not funny. If someone could please explain to me after my presentation why saying “Git-R-Done” is at all humorous, it would be greatly appreciated. But my hatred of his particular brand of comedy goes much deeper than that, or at least I hope it does, seeing as I have to be up here talking about it for two and a half minutes.

The fact that he is one of the most successful comedians of our time is and always will be a mystery to me, and a sad mystery at that. He represents all that is wrong with America, in my humble opinion. He is fat, close-minded, and stupid, and flaunts each one of these traits as though it’s a good thing. And I know that beauty, or in this case comedic talent, is in the eye of the beholder, but still I can’t imagine anyone that would think that things like his impression of deaf people is funny. Not that it offends me. I don’t actually know any deaf people, and I can take politically incorrect humor. It’s just not funny when Larry the Cable Guy does it. It’s sad to see him succeed when there are scores of funnier people who still haven’t broken through to mainstream success.

Despite how much I loathe Larry the Cable Guy and everything he does onstage, he effects the way I see the world very much, and that is what I hate most about him. I know that I would hate it if I was judged based on some dumb comedian who happened to be from the same region as me, but I can’t help but do just that. I try hard not to, but I can’t help but wonder if all Southerners are similar to him. I know they’re not, but there’s a distinct possibility that plenty of kids like me, who don’t actually know anyone from the south, could believe that.

I know it seems silly for me to get so worked up over some comedian. To be honest, I don’t think about Larry the Cable Guy as much as this speech would suggest. I was just struggling to find inspiration and then turned on Comedy Central and realized how much I hated Larry the Cable Guy in all of his Larry the Cable Guy-iness.