I have finally, recently, barely, come to a central belief about faith only through identifying what I found dissatisfying about other faiths. I was raised Catholic; while parochial schooling provided fond memories, it is also where I began to experience serious doubts about the validity of the doctrines.
On reaching adulthood, I was not attending church and feeling guilty about not attending. Following the births of two children, that feeling initially intensified until I was labeled a “cafeteria style catholic” for not following and believing all Catholic Church doctrine. I began searching for another religion whose doctrines were more sensible to my idea of who God is and what constitutes a moral life.
In wanting to learn more about the Christian faith, I began to read historical accounts of the founding of the Catholic or Christian church. That’s when my belief in organized religion pretty much fell by the wayside, altogether. To put it simply, more suffering has been wrought at the hands of the faithful in God’s name than I could have ever imagined. Today’s zealous Muslims can easily be likened to some early Christian sects. What most organized religions share is a belief in the teachings of another person, supposedly inspired by God. I figure if today’s reporters are not terribly accurate, neither are those in previous millennia.
So, in rejecting other’s teachings, and with much careful thought and reflection, I’ve arrived at my idea of our Creator.
I believe our Creator is neither male nor female, or might be both. I believe our Creator is the ultimate parent, the master mathematician and scientist, a loving intellect, and is the quintessential non-micromanager of the universe and its inhabitants. Furthermore, this entity is all that is good, and would not harm a hair on even Hitler’s head if he genuinely asked for forgiveness for the atrocities he committed.
In fact, (and this would have gotten me persecuted by other Christians 1300 years ago) I’m willing to concede that if I’m wrong and God is the wrathful dominant male that the Old Testament portrays, or that Christianity generally believes in, then perhaps he is a god I would reject. How’s that for heresy?
There is nothing in writing that I’ve found thus far that corroborates my belief; discussions of this magnitude rarely occur as religious discussion is taboo. So I’ve decided to be at peace with not knowing specifics about God. Furthermore, since neither religion, nor science can explain our creator I’ve decided that having faith simply in the existence of God alone, is enough. In fact, I think that belief without ANY proof of whatever created this magnificent universe is more an act of faith than reading hundreds of pages of stories to reassure me, or confuse me, if we want to be frank.
In writing a letter to my son, a sentence appeared on the page that I knew was truth-“Life is not fair, but God is.”
This I believe, and that’s enough for me.
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