This I Believe

oshiomowe - dundalk, Maryland
Entered on September 25, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

I lost my two children in a car crash a few years ago so Mothers’ day is usually a long and dreary for then I would sit down and emphasize with the many women who have been mothers and those who want to be. With everyone hustling and bustling these days it is surprising there is no diet for grief. Sometimes I hear the “ move on with your life”, suck it kid! , Or “they would want you to go on”, but nothing specific. That sounds nice, of course I want to move on with my life, sure I would like to suck it up and drive on and yes my dearly beloved are resting in peace, I know they would want me to be at peace too. This I believe grief is not for those I have lost it is for me the loser. Having visited some African countries and observing how mothers faced with different feats be it [drought, famine, political unrest or the lose of their children, I came to note that grief is relative and one will go through it at their own pace. I have decided to live now; I believe that is the hardest thing to do. To understand, tolerate, fulfill my needs to actually care for myself, nurture myself; to love my self are things I did for others. Since my decision to start living I went Europe, I bought a home in short I started doing for self and living is the scariest thing I have ever done because it was for me, it was so much easier living through my kids or my mother serving as a coach, commander in chief and director after all I wrote the script. I am doing things that I have always wanted to do, but too scared to and that includes loving myself: I believe I can only love others if I love myself, I can only be kind to others when I am kind to myself. Living since my loss has been a work in progress but rather than only grieve I celebrate their lives by this I grow, develop and mature. I believe it is okay to grieve but it was more important for me to know what I was grieving for: was it the dreams they never fulfilled for me, was it that I lost two little girls loving me unconditionally bad knees and all, or did I loss the chance to enjoy all those motherly ante dotes come to fruition. I will always grieve but I will take care of you and love me as I do so. I believe that grieving no matter how long it takes, is part of life, my life. So the lessons, experiences or memories from my dearly beloved truly have become a part of me sometimes, I smile, cry or laugh out loud when I remember but I never forget that life is too short and that is why I believe in living.