This I Believe

Jennifer - Houston, Texas
Entered on September 14, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

My husband and I spent six years and thousands of dollars trying to have children. Every month during that time I thought, “This is the month, it is going to happen, I am going to have a baby.” Even though I ramped up my positive attitude each month, disappointment followed disappointment for six years. Until one month it didn’t. Miraculously and through the best of science, I was finally pregnant with twins.

After weeks of sickness and utter disbelief on my part that I had actually spent huge amounts of effort and money to feel this awful, I found out that one of the two babies I was carrying was gravely ill. How I cried. And how I cried some more. I had a brief faulty thought that this is why I couldn’t get pregnant naturally. My body just wasn’t meant to do this.

Then one day, as I was driving my hugely pregnant self to work, I passed out while driving down the freeway. Thankfully, I hurt no one. And thankfully, I was ordered to stay out of my car when I was feeling bad.

At some point shortly after that, as I was just trying to make it to the end of each day without passing out, falling down, or crying, I came across an article where a famous actress said her dad told her to remember this: “Each day is a good day. Some days are better than others, but each day is a good day.”

From that day forward, I have held that belief tightly. It got me through the rest of my pregnancy and all sorts of other life events that have occurred in the last eight years. When we found out my unborn baby Lilly’s heart had stopped, it wasn’t a great day, but it was good that at least Julia’s heart was still beating. When I met my girls for the first time, it was a terrifically sad day because of Lilly, but a good one nonetheless because Julia would be coming home with us.

When we finalized my son’s adoption, it was a very good day. When he was diagnosed with ADHD, it wasn’t a great day, but it was still good because I am lucky enough to have this energetic, funny boy who calls me Mom.

Now, my dad is dying a slow death. There are very few great days with him. There are, however, lots of good days simply because he is still with us. When he dies, it won’t be a great day. It will, however, still be a good day because I believe that no matter what, each and every day that I wake up is a good day.