This I Believe

Amy - Blacksburg, Virginia
Entered on September 11, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love, question

I used to think of hearts literally breaking into a thousand pieces. I never understood how this could ever be true. As I grew up I experienced this in real life, in my life. I believe that when your heart breaks a piece of you dies with it. A piece of you dies that you can’t ever get back.

I met him six years ago on a hot July day. I was going to the movies with my friend Ben. Brian came along too. From the moment we met we had an instant connection. Every time I kissed his lips I saw fireworks. We never fought once in the two years that we dated. It was that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars kind of love.

We spent our high school days together and decided to go to the same college. I knew that he was the only one for me. I couldn’t imagine ever being without him. The trap of love took hold of me and changed my life forever.

I remember sitting in his white Acura in the garage of his house thinking that this was never supposed to happen to us. We both cried because we knew that we were saying good-bye forever. My heart, once whole, began to break. It was gradual at first. Then it began to spiral out of control. It was the moment in my life that I realized there is no such thing as perfect love. If you think that love is perfect then you haven’t lived.

It was the worst moment of my life thus far. At one point I was enjoying the world and at the next I was praying that I could get through the next day. I dropped into a deep depression. I became a stranger to my own family.

Somehow through all of this, I found myself again. It was the longest and hardest journey of my life. I learned the challenges of depression and most importantly I learned just how fragile the heart can be. One moment can change the way that you view the whole world.

He was among other things my first love and when he was gone a piece of my heart was gone as well. Time has passed but there are still moments today that I think about all of the pain that it caused me. I believe that your heart can break into a thousand pieces. However, you learn to pick up the pieces that can be saved and discard the ones that can’t. I lost the part of me that believed in true love, but now I can appreciate the others pieces of my life. I can appreciate the sunrise and the ocean. I can pray to fall in love all over again.