I believe in making the Lord my first priority.
What I have come to believe about the life I am living, is that unless the Lord is my ultimate priority… everything else seems meaningless. This past year has been one of the most difficult in terms of trials and having to persevere through times of intense pain. It has been a struggle to maintain an intimate relationship with the Lord. Looking back on the year now, I can see how often I tried to take situations into my own hands in an attempt to fix them or salvage what I thought was an end to something. I didn’t take the time to sit and let the Lord heal my heart and take control of the messy situations I had found myself a part of.
In the midst of all of those situations, I started to feel very numb towards the Father I had always believed gave me life and sustained me. He became a figure that I tried to talk to everyday, but I still managed to push Him away. Relationships, hopes, fears, and situations became my main concern… and my loving Father was pushed back… way back on my list of priorities. But oh… if you asked me about the Lord…. I would answer as though He was on the top of the list. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was not so sure He could handle all that was going on in my life.
Well… I was wrong.
Last Saturday, I took a drive around town. I was feeling absolute hopelessness about my relationship with the Lord… wondering why He seemed so distant… wondering how my life seemed to have turned upside down this last year. I said out lout, “Lord, I don’t understand… Why am I living this way? Why do you seem so far? Lord, what do I need to do”? I became quiet, and decided that I should grab a coffee at the nearest shop. I walked in, and saw a good friend of mine. He looked at me and asked me how I was doing… in tears I explained. After I finished my emotional rant, he simply said, “Jeremiah 29:13 says that if we look for Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY, that we will find Him”. I looked at my friend, and said a simple thanks and left. As I turned away, I realized that those simple words were the exact answer to my prayer. This past year, I had given my heart to everything but the Lord.
Last Saturday was the day I had a better grasp on what the Lord really wants from me… my heart. You see, it’s not about a list. It’s not about the random things I try to do to look like a “devoted Christian”. It’s not about what the world wants to offer me. It’s about a deep wholehearted RELATIONSHIP with my Heavenly Father. It’s about loving Him so much, that everything else pales in comparison to serving my Lord… above all else… and with a whole heart.
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