This I Believe

Joseph - Pflugerville, Texas
Entered on September 6, 2007

This I believe,

The only person you can rely on is yourself. Alot of people tell me this isn’t true and perhaps I’m wrong but is there anyone who has never let someone down, someone who is always reliable?

I’m not sure why I believe so strongly in the statement, If you had asked me the same question 10 years ago I would have told you the opposite. I believe your opnions are decided by your life experiences, that is most likely the reason I feel so strongly about this statement, because I;ve been abandoned my whole life, by the people I cared for the most.

As a child the person I looked up to the most was my father, he was a hard worker, he was a kind man, anbd he loved his family. However, like any person he had a darer side, he was an alcoholic, usually he would come home about twice each week drunk. On those days him and my mom would fight (However, don’t be misled, my mom was a stronger woman, who could defend herself) eventually, my mom got fed-up with it and kicked him out of the house, One night, while he was on his own, he got really drunk out of depression and committed suicide. I was only 7 years old at the time.

After my father’s death my mom became really depressed and mostly kept to herself. My family was then supported by my oldest brother, Steven, who was forced to drop out of high school, and take two jobs to support us. While my second oldest brother, Justin, would stay home and take care of my little brother and I. For a couple years things remained pretty much the same, except my mother grew even more depressed and eventually tried to take the pain away through drugs.

One day when we were taking my brother to work, my mom drove head-on into a truck much larger than our own car. At the time my best friend had been in the car along side me. I remember looking over, talking to him and suddenly his face just went blank as he stared out the front window, the next thing I remember is waking in the care looking face down at a pillow with a red case on it, as I instinctivly reched down to grab it, I felt a warm liquid surround my hand as I touched it and realized it was blood. As soon as I jerked my hand back it was as if my hearing kicked in. The first thing I heard was my friend crying, and begging for help, I turned to look at him and saw a huge gash in his cheek. The next thing I heard was my mom asking if we were alright, I remember repeatidly telling her I was alright, but she must not have heard me because she kept asking. Fortunatly, everyone survived the crash, and with minor long term injuries, even though the car was totaled, and under normal circumstances it would have been rare for anyone to survive.

While my mom was in the Hospital the doctors discovered she was on drugs, and reported it to CPS and gave her a court date. After her trial, the court had decided she was unfit to be a parent, and lost custody of my two brothers and I, my oldest brother was 18 and could stay where he wanted to, he choose to stay with my mom. As for the rest of us, my little brother and I were seperated from our biggest role model, and our best positive influence, my second oldest brother, who some how managed to make above averaged grades, play on the varsity football team, and watched over my little brother and I, until we were seperated. To be honest, even though I would never admit it to him, I looked up to him as a father figure after I had lost my dad, being seperated from him was a major blow to my morale, however fortunatly he was adopted by my Aunt who lived nearby.

At the time I had been in 3rd grade, and my little brother in Kindergarten, his teacher was alerted the day after my mom lost custody of us, and decided to adopt my little brother and I. About six years went by peacefully, my mom had started to turn her life around, she got off the drugs, got re-married, and had a daughter, my half sister, Savannah. I was starting my first year of high school when she called and told me that she had talked to a lawyer, who said he could win her custody of my little brother and I if I were to make a statement saying I wanted to live with her.

It was a heartbreaking choice for me, but in my mind I had already decided that I wanted to stay where I was. My mother was very understanding, and things went back to normal, only around that time I had began fighting with my adopted parents, I felt that thier expectations for me were to high. As time went by the fighting only escalated, and about two years later, in the summer of 2007 the fighting got so bad, that they kicked me out of the house.

Fortunatly, my aunt was more than willing to allow me to stay with her, and my older brother JB and that leads up to where I am now, I would say I’m pretty happy staying there, however I have noticed that I have a hard time placing trust in others, instead I prefer to just do things myself.