“No Choice?

Lindsay - BS30 9YU, United Kingdom
Entered on September 6, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

Your actions have shaped my daily life, and guided me to my belief of “everything happens for a reason”. You say you had no choice. 37 years ago it was a different world. Society was different, not so open, not so understanding, not so helpful to a single mother in her teens. You were 16 and he was 36. Thankfully, I am a personality of a very different era. It is hard for me to relate to the times you speak of, as I have grown up in a very sympathetic environment. Choices are available now, stigmas are not so attached and help is at hand to those that ask.

I am not judging you. I am the lucky one. I was lucky in that I have made my choices. I choose to start a family. When I was married with my career safe and secure, the time was right and my choices were made. I understand this luxury was not afforded to you. I am grateful that times have changed and society has evolved enough to allow an unmarried mother the choice of keeping her child. No more ‘mother and baby homes’ where young girls were sent to have their babies away from their loved ones and their lives. No more social services arriving at your bedside to take your 10 day old baby away to meet its ‘new family’, chosen by the authorities. No more years of aching pain from a broken heart for a birth mother to endure, not knowing where her baby went, looking into every pram to see any resemblance. It is wonderful that today’s families stick together and don’t allow outside influences and shame to make their decisions. It is a crucial step that the social services offer help instead of threats.

It can only be a mother that knows the unconditional love felt for her child, and having experienced that I only feel compassion and appreciation for your feelings. I know it wasn’t your fault that I grew up not knowing I was adopted. I never knew. Events dictated that I shouldn’t know, and now I realise this happened for a reason. Had I have known maybe I wouldn’t have my two wonderful children that have sent me on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. Maybe my chaotic world would be different, one of solitude and doubt.

Thank you for the decisions you made that have structured my life. Thank you for blessing me into a world of love and fulfilment. Thank you for always caring even when I never knew you existed, always being the hand in the darkness that guided me through my life built on quicksand. Thank you for the family I have who I love and cherish. Thank you for always loving me without condition. Thank you for the positive effect this has had on my own parenting skills. Thank you for ending this story a happy one.