This I Believe

Shane - Altoona, Iowa
Entered on September 5, 2007

My Friends Saved Me

I believe that my friends have helped me secede in life. This may sound generic to some people, but my friends have made sacrifices that have been far too much to ask from a normal friend. I have also found strength in myself because of some of the unfortunate things that I had to watch my friends go through and also to watch leave this world.

I was just like any other love struck boy who found love at an early age. She was my first and I truly found happiness in her company. Times have been rocky for the past year and I knew that she was slowly slipping away from me. The hard part of the whole thing was that I had spent so much of my time with her that I wasn’t sure if I could make it on my own. The time finally came and she broke it off with me. She told me there would always be a place for me in her heart, but she felt like she had to let herself see what else was out there. I couldn’t face the idea of being away from her. My life was turned upside down. I had given myself to her entirely and had turned my back on my friends many times. I didn’t think that anyone would be able to see me the same way. I also couldn’t get her off my mind. This obsession I had went on for over a year. I tried to be friends with her yet I always wanted more. I experienced some of the lowest moments in my life in that year. I felt like there was no reason to go on. The only time I was ever happy in that year was when I was with my buddies, who accepted me back with open arms and didn’t even ask for an apology.

I still thought I was alone and that nobody could understand my pain so a kept it to myself. It hurt to keep it all bottled up inside. My days just kept getting worse. Then it happened. I got a call from one of my buddies and my heart seemed to just stop when I heard the words, Justin’s dead! My first reaction was what are you talking about? My buddy then told me how our friend had taken his life. I had to know more. I couldn’t understand why this kid, who was always smiling and goofing around, could take his own life. My buddy then proceeded to tell me that it was over a girl that he had previously broken up with. It was at this comment that made me realize how close I was to being Justin. I felt like I could relate my whole past year to him. I also had kept it a secret that I was hurting.

I got help. I didn’t have to go far. I just turned to one of my friends and told her everything. I didn’t care how it made me sound and I didn’t care what she thought of me after I was done. I just wanted to get it all out. It felt good. When I was done we just sat there and talked for another couple hours. She told me what she thought and how I could start to fix things in my life. After talking to her I also started to talk to my friends one by one. Some would kind of chuckle, but at the same time made me feel safe. I can still see it today when I get down over something that is happening in my life. My buddies will just stop what they are doing and pull me aside to see if I want to talk. Most of the time I tell them its no big deal, but the thought makes me feel better inside.

My friends and I have been through a lot in our life time. We have watched one ours go and we have watch some of us grow. The one thing I know is that they will always be there for me and that without them I could have been another lost soul in the world. I have tried to think of ways to express how much they have made a difference in my life, but the words are never there because in reality they are my life.