This I Believe

Alyssa - syracuse, New York
Entered on September 5, 2007

I believe that the true test of a relationship, whether it be with your friends or a loved one, is in a fight. Everyone is different and therefore has different feelings about most things that happen in our daily lives. Therefore, it’s only natural to bump heads. Some people prefer yelling, and not listening, while others prefer yelling and listening, and yet there is still the option of always working things out in a normal discussion. Obviously yelling without listening is not a good idea. However, when some people feel passionately about something, their intensity can lead to ultimately screaming. The screaming usually blocks out the noise from the other person. Therefore it takes a little bit longer to works things out. Talking about the disagreement is clearly the best way to work it out. However, I am not writing about how to work through a fight. I believe that its how both sides handle themselves as they are working it out that matters.

I was in a fight with one of my best friend recently. The fight started at a club. A guy she had feelings for was there. He wasn’t particularly nice to her to say the least. We talked about leaving the club, but ultimately decided to stay and try to enjoy ourselves. At the end of the night, she told me that she was mad at me for not leaving. I was under the impression that I offered to leave several times. The disagreement was an obvious miscommunication. We decided to put the argument to bed and talk about it the next day. When she called the next day, I listened to her side of the story very intently. More than listening to her words, I listened to the emotion behind them. I waited until she was ready to do some listening, and then began my response. I told her that she is my best friend and that I would never purposely ignore her feelings. We continued to argue for a while. She was being stubborn because she was so hurt, not necessarily by me, but because she was hurting about the guy. I told her to take her time, and that I would be at the other end of the phone waiting whenever she wanted so we hung up. About 10 minutes later, I got a phone call from her. She apologized too, and that’s how we ended the fight.

This was a true test of out relationship. Yes, we had a fight, and yes, it was hard to deal with. However, we both knew that it was something that needed to be resolved in order for us ton continue our friendship. We knew that we were stronger than the disagreement we were having. Thus, when we made up, we made sure to tell each other how important our friendship was. When you can fight, and make up, and go back to living in the relationship, that’s when its strong, and definitely worth holding onto!