“The Change”

Ashlee - Antelope, California
Entered on September 4, 2007
Age Group: Under 18

I believe in change. When I was younger my dad got drunk a lot. When my dad’s dad was younger his dad got drunk a lot. So you can say alcoholism runs in my blood. Many of the things that I experienced as a kid were thing that I could have lived very happily not having gone through, but then where would my lessons be learned?

You see, my dad is the type of person that has a good heart but if he is angry, it is everyone else’s fault no matter what. So if he was drinking and we got upset about it he got angry. We tried not to say much but sometimes we just couldn’t help it. Seeing my dad and my papa drunk all the time really had its effects on me, more than the rest of my family. I like people to be real, so when they were drunk 99% of the time I felt like I never got to see the “real” them. The person you are when you are drunk and the person you are when you are sober are two totally different people to me. I liked it better when my dad was sober.

My dad and I fought a lot when I was younger. I never had a relationship with him cause of what he was doing to himself, my family, and me. I built up resentment towards him, a wall. I had so much anger towards him it started to develop into hate. I hated how he treated us, I hated how it effected our family, most of all I hated what he was making himself. He was a monster. I didn’t know why he was doing this. I felt like we didn’t deserve what he was doing to us. My dad drank with my papa a lot, which was his father and also his main influence. That was the “father to son bond” that they had created. That is what made them happy when they were together.

Moving from Barstow, to me, was the best thing we ever did. We got away from it all, we escaped. When we moved to Sacramento my dad vowed to get sober and stop smoking. It was very hard for him and took a while; it took a lot longer for him to quit smoking but drinking he was a lot better about. We were so proud of him, even though he scared me for life. I truly believe that by him quitting made us happier, especially me. I wasn’t sad anymore and I didn’t have to take my anti depressants anymore. I could tell my “real” dad was starting to come out. What saved my dad was getting away, getting away from what influenced him to do what we wanted him to quit so badly. To this day, my papa is still an alcoholic.

Therefore, I believe that people need to make the change. Make the change that makes them who they really are and quit what makes them what they are not, no matter what it is. It will make you and everyone you influence happier and more secure with you and them selves.

I believe in change.