This I Believe

Rayana - Clermont, Florida
Entered on August 29, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: love, setbacks

I believe that actions speak louder than words. Anyone can make a promise to do something, but unless they act on that promise their words are worthless to me. Throughout the past couple of years I’ve come to realize that you can never fully depend on someone’s “promises.” There have been many times in the past where I have been let down by people who are very important to me. One person who let me down constantly in the past is my ex-boyfriend Nate.

Since August of 2004, he’s been the main guy in my life. We’ve been through a lot together. Of course, we’ve had our ups and downs, mostly downs, but we always seem to get through it. I guess you could say he was my “first love.” It sometimes scared me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.

I used to think that he was “the one.” Unfortunately, for us things didn’t work out how I would have liked them to. I loved him more than anything, but there was a limit to what I was willing to put up with. He would always lie to me and then make me feel stupid or like I was the one who was in the wrong for asking him questions. At times I felt as if he took me for granted and didn’t appreciate all the things I’d do. For example, last year he got sick for about a month because of his ulcers and I was the one who always called to check up on him and make sure he was okay. It was all me, not anyone else.

Don’t get me wrong, he did treat me right when he felt like it, but it usually wouldn’t last for more than a week. The only time he’d treat me right is when I threatened to be done with him and his stupid little kid games. That is when he felt the need to tell me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him. And my favorite line of his is “Baby, can you please give me one more chance, I promise I’ll change.” Are you kidding me? He’s had plenty of chances and as far as the word promise goes, it means nothing coming from him.

After about two years of being with Nate and dealing with our never ending cycle of drama, I finally reached my breaking point. I realized that I deserve much better. I told Nate how I felt, and as expected, he apologized to me for everything and made his empty promises once again about changing his ways and treating me better. At that moment I realized how stupid I was. I was the one who kept forgiving him. I let him think that he could do whatever he wanted and I would forgive him because I loved him too much.

In the end, Nate and I ended our relationship and we are no longer friends. I don’t regret anything I did during our relationship, because I learned so much from it. But, a word of advice to all you guys out there making the same exact promises to your girlfriends who you claim you love, stop. Eventually she’s going to realize that your words mean nothing, and if you don’t start acting on those promises you can forget about having her in your life.