This I Believe

Kate - Marthasville, Missouri
Entered on August 21, 2007

I believe in the ability animals have to create our ideal lives, if only for a moment. So many times in my life I’ve found myself stuck in a hard place, only to be relieved by the comfort found in the beasts I lived and breathed. I believe in that power. I believe in my horse.

To those who know me, I am not the most gregarious of people. To those who don’t, I am even less so. I am shy, and at times, cripplingly so. My introversion had always been an aspect of my life that I dared not confront nor argue. In response, I would escape, particularly into the world of beasts, because in a mind where humanity seems foreign, animals offer the most solace. And so, forever it seemed that I would sit, obsessing over my own glass menagerie, until one day, traffic bumped the table, and my best friend broke. And at that, I slipped away.

I can’t explain what happened next; I can’t explain how the death of a horse tore me apart. Though it aspired from events unforeseen, I blamed myself. How could I not? He had kept me safe, yet I failed to return the favor. At school I said nothing, told no one. At home, I would shrink off to bed before dark and hide beneath the sheets, begging for sleep. For in dreams, the dead sit up and smile.

But now I can only think back on what he had done for me. His presence was what first led me to the discovery of 4-H, a place where I had gained more friends than I thought possible. Atop his back, I felt more empowered and self-confident than I had ever before. For once in my life, I felt the warmth of the limelight. Fore once in my life, I had found a place where my wish was to speak out and be known. And as Will Rogers once said: There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you ain’t a thing. And this, I believe.

And I believe this, for I, as it is so suavely put, ain’t a thing. And I never will be. But despite my lack of faith in that aspect, I do believe in my horse. I do believe in the times we had and the how I aspire to gain that happiness, and strive to always be in pursuit of change. The change of myself.

This, I believe.