What is marriage? Do you have an idea of how you would answer this question if someone asked you? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary it is the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law or the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage. I also asked a few people what marriage meant to them. One response that I received was “A commitment between two people that love each other and want to build a life together”. Another answer was “The commitment of two people to ultimately support and respect each other, and to live for each other”. This seemed to be the consensus of most people. Everyone seemed to view marriage in the traditional meaning of the word. Today I would like to share with you all what I believe marriage really is.
I believe that marriage is a time to adjust to each other and a time to learn about the real people that each of you are, not the version of the person that you dated. Let’s face it, when you date someone, they are one person, but when you get married, they turn into someone different.
I believe that marriage is pretending to be asleep in the passenger seat of the car while your wife is driving, even though you are watching the white line with one eye to figure out when you need to all of a sudden wake up refreshed and ready to take over the tedious task of driving. I believe that marriage is trying not to gag when your loved one rolls over and whispers good morning to you with morning breath, even though you always told them it didn’t bother you before you got married. I believe that marriage is playing rock, paper, scissors to see who has to do the dishes, even though the two of you used to fight over who would do the dishes while you were dating. I believe that marriage is learning to freeze when your spouse takes the covers at night because you don’t sleep as close as you did when you were dating. I believe that marriage is learning to live with the fact that your loved one will not only snore, but will also fart while they are sleeping, which is what she was afraid she would do so she pretended to be asleep until you fell asleep. I believe that marriage is all of a sudden losing your sense of smell when the baby has a dirty diaper that needs to be changed. I believe that marriage is commenting on how good dinner was and then running out to the shop so that your wife doesn’t see you praying to God that she never makes it again. I believe that marriage is not running to take a shower and be presentable by the time that your loved one comes home from work, like you used to do before. I believe that marriage is sitting on the couch and clipping your toenails while watching a movie, even though the thought of doing this very same thing while you were dating would have never crossed your mind. I believe that marriage is perfecting the art of selective hearing, even though the two of you would hang on every word each of you said before.
In closing I would like to propose a toast as to what I believe the true meaning of marriage is. Remember the moment of sweet repose, when it’s belly to belly, and toes to toes, because after that moment of sweet delight, it’s hiney to hiney, the rest of the night.
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