This I Believe

Brandy - Pink Hill, North Carolina
Entered on July 21, 2007

Everything Happens for a Reason-This I Believe:

Living everyday in fear and worry is not the way that a young twenty-three year old wants to live her life. Living my life in fear and worry is how I have lived over the last couple of years. Living with generalized anxiety disorder is not something that is easy to deal with. I often try to think about it from a Christian perspective and think that God truly makes everything and everyone that comes in and out of your life to be a reason. I can honestly say that I live my life with the belief that everything happens for a reason. I know that having anxiety is for a reason.

When I was twenty years old I started dating my high school sweet heart again. We had been dating off and on for nine years. Right after we got back together, I moved to a big town to go to college. Because I was under so much stress, I started getting colds and later the flu. Adding to the stress of being sick, my boyfriend at the time was not at all supportive. Often times he made me feel that he was superior to me. He constantly put me down, making me feel weak and vulnerable. No matter how hard I tried I could never feel that I was good enough for him. My grades in school dropped drastically. It wasn’t long after that I spent thousands of dollars on tests and emergency room hospital bills just to hear that I was having anxiety attacks. When you have feelings of nausea, chest pains, shortness of breath, muscle tension, heart palpation, you can’t help wonder if you are dying. To ease my mind from the panic and worry of dying I would run to the doctor to make sure that I was going to be all right.

I lived with constant anxiety for over a year. Every day I dreaded going into a classroom filled with students. I often sat next to the door so if I was to have an anxiety attack, I could quickly escape from being embarrassed. One night as I sat in bed crying I decided that I could not take living everyday in fear and worry. Feeling very weak and vulnerable I prayed to God like I had never prayed before. I told him that I was tired of this sickness and that I had tried to deal with it and my body and mind were not able. I asked God to please help me. I put my sickness, along with the worries about my boyfriend, into God’s hands. I told God that I was allowing him to take over and allow whatever he meant to happen, happen. At the end of the week I finally called off my 9 year long relationship with my boyfriend. When I thought about him it was as if God was there cutting off my emotions from being sad, helping my heart to heal and letting me know that it was all going to be all right.

I now make good grades in school and most importantly I can concentrate on the important things in life. With much surprise, I find myself sitting in the middle of the classroom, rows away from the door. I don’t need an escape route now. Through a great therapist, God has helped me with dealing with my anxiety. I know that God lets everything happen for a reason. If it were not for God allowing me to experience such a bad relationship, I would never know what I good one would feel like. Also, if it wasn’t for me dating my ex, I may not have experienced anxiety in which, I think has made me lean more on God and learn to have more faith in him.

I am only twenty-three but I have already experienced some of toughest trials one can face. I believe God will not let me face anything that he can not help me to handle. God has a sole purpose for everyone in this life. He has everyone’s life planned out. Just when I think the worst has happened I always think and say to myself, “Everything happens for a reason-This I Believe.”