This I Believe

Marsha - Harshaw, Wisconsin
Entered on July 18, 2007
Age Group: 50 - 65

Due to complications of a connective tissue disease, without warning I’d been

> struck blind. Each time the doctor held his hand in front of my face and

> asked how many fingers I saw, hope dwindled, as I replied, “none.”

>

> I felt alone, frustrated, sad, and afraid. The searing pain stabbed at my

> eyes, as if fire were consuming them. But worse than the excruciating

> physical torment was the terrifying darkness and agonizing over the “what

> if’s.”

>

> What if doctors couldn’t save my sight? What if I couldn’t take care of

> myself? What if I couldn’t drive my car and be independent anymore? What if

> I would never enjoy reading a book, watching a sunset, or gazing into the eyes

> of my grandbaby?

>

> In despair, I cried to God. “Why is this happening? I CAN’T be permanently

> blinded!”

>

> I’d become very skittish about anything coming near my eyes. I soaked the

> examining chair with perspiration during each doctor visit, so you can

> understand my reaction when the surgeon announced he would cut my cornea, lift

> it, and clean under it. I told him, “I’d rather have my legs amputated!”

>

>

>

> I’d heard courage is fear that’s said its prayers. I knew many people

> praying for me. I too begged God, not only for healing, but for strength to

> endure whatever happened.

>

> While lying awake one night, I listened to an all-night TV station playing

> gentle music as a man read Bible passages. Like a fountain of fresh water,

> God’s Word, combined with the soothing music, rinsed away my anxiety replacing

> it with peace. I was reminded of the words of Jesus: “Do not let your hearts

> be troubled and do not be afraid.”

>

> I gave my fears to God and determined to believe in His love for me. If He

> chose to heal me, I would be grateful. If He chose not to, He had a reason

> for that, too.

>

> The surgery went well and my world grew brighter. It was a long recovery, but

> I defied all odds.

>

> Afterwards, my doctor said he’d never believed I would see again. Now we both

> believe in prayer and miracles.

>