This I Believe

Helen - Virginia Beach, Virginia
Entered on June 29, 2007

This I believe

I believe in growing.

There I was, fresh out of college with MA in mathematics, working for a great company, making more money at 23 than most of my friends and co-workers. New challenges awaited, and I was eager to conquer anything and everything that came my way. I woke up every morning with butterflies in my stomach, going to work as if going on a date. I worked 10 hour days and came in Saturdays to get ahead, to meet all deadlines, to complete all due reports.

Three years went by, and I could do my job effortlessly in less than 8 hrs most days. I generally liked what I did, but I almost didn’t have to think about what I did by then. So, from 7 to 4 I repeated the cycle, day in and day out; month after month, with little variation. I’ve asked to get moved to different departments, so that I could master different skills, challenge myself with new tasks, but I got so efficient in my role, that I was told to stay put. After being turned down 3 times I quit. I told my manager the reason for my resignation was a necessity for personal and professional advancement.

My parents think I should be happy with what I already have; that I need not want anything other than being a wife and a mother, but I struggle with the idea of myself defined in terms on my family. I love them, but taking care of them does not satisfy the inner hunger for growth and development that I can’t get rid of. Whatever my mother thinks about my skills in ‘mothering’, I am planning on teaching my daughter to achieve the best she can, to grow until there’s no more strength to grow, to aim high, and to work hard.

I believe I need room and an opportunity to grow. I need challenges to keep my mind active, to feel like I am moving forward. I need to be able to look back and understand why I’ve lived and who I’ve become. Now at 26 I still wonder who I’ll be when I grow up. I am impatient to learn, to see, and to know as much as my brain can hold. I tell myself to slow down, to appreciate the ‘easy life’ that I could have if I wanted to, but something in my heart or maybe in my mind keeps pulling me forward. As a woman, I feel like I have more opportunities in life than ever before. All doors are open all I have to do is get to them.

So, no matter the money, bonuses, and vacation, I’m growing. As long as my family is supporting, I will be looking for opportunities to further my horizons, to discover the world and myself.