This I Believe

Kathline - St. Charles, Illinois
Entered on June 28, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50

In 1984 I graduated from high school and found that the lump in my throat was not pride, it got bigger and bigger so I went to the doctor. After performing a needle biopsy the doctor explained that your thyroid looks like a butterfly. I had a lump that was cancer but we had caught it early and I would need to have on of the lobes removed. My butterfly would have only one wing but I would not need to take any replacement. Surgery was performed and I went about the business of living.

I have always been diabetic but after going thru breast cancer it was decided that oral medications were no longer controlling my needs. I began to take insulin and found being a diabetic a challenge that was very difficult. My family doctor left his practice and I went to visit his partner for a physical. After reviewing things he invited me into his office. Another visit to the plush office with the mahagony desk that I dreaded. He simply said I had way to many issues and a doctor that specialized in Endocrinology was indicated. Ok I like to think I am hip and in the know so I said ok.

I scheduled a appointment and sat in the waiting room. This doctor specialized in diabetes, Metabolism and Endocrinolgy. I was in an office that catered to people just like me. First we got a new monitor with lots of new tracking infomration and I was able to get that part fixed. Low blood sugar ha never happen to me it was always to high. Not anymore she was amazing. I noticed my energy level was down and my throat was sore. She scheduled a thyroid test and then a ultrasound. 12 lumps. I called my family doctor and he said it is like an apple and a worm you can miss things get the thyroid out. I called the endocrine doctor and said I am setting up surgery. She concurred.

Malignant that is a word that just truely strikes fear. Thyroid cancer however is the cancer to get if you are going to get it. In my case this is my second time. So all precautions have been taken. Surgery performed, Lymphnodes taken to be sure of no spread, and awful iodine free diet, and scary calls from the doctor, and radiation that you all have seen me go thru here at Gather. I am truely tired and I have lived thru alot but you know it has not beaten me. I have choosen to live this publically. Perhaps maybe I could be an example. I have exposed you all to my rants on the wonders of a low iodine diet and to the fears of rain with a leaky gazebo. Now that I have talked about some of the most personal moments in my life I feel strength. Tomorrow is the scan that will determine what the next step is.

I was asked to write about my breast cancer because I had a special insight and actually it was a gift to me to do that. As a child I had casts on my legs and braces so that I could walk, I could always read but could not write until I entered high school. I simply did not understand the concept. Cursive came easily but even today my printing looks like a preschoolers writing. I can remember having a teacher tell me that my name was spelled wrong and I was stupid. I looked at her and ripped the book from her hands and read it to her page after page with tears in my eyes. I could not write my name but I could read stories and talk about my ideas. Why should I need to print things. Now I know why so that I reach out to my fellow man. Spelling is still a challenge but you all seem to ignore my typo’s so thank you.

Last year I awoke and my right foot was numb. I could not move my foot they discovered a disc had moved and was crushing the nerve, 2 operations later and physical therapy and I can walk and ride again. Not to mention dance and play. My back is wonderful now. But I must tell you I am tired. As my daughter likes to say to me “You have gone thru alot in your little life” My kids appreciate the fact I am still young and that we are togehter but it has been a group effort. We are all strong people. With God’s help we have made it thru.

Last Wednesday before going to radiation I confessed to my best friend Father Matt that the only sin that I truely felt at that moment I needed to confess was that I truely was tired. I do not want to go thru anymore. This is a personal thing that I arrived at. I told him I wished I could take the kids on a vacation to Disney world and to enjoy 2 weeks and then simply have dinner and spend an evening and then say goodbye. I wished that there was a light switch we could switch togehter and simply allow me to rest and go to be with my God. Father Matt took my hands in his and said that only God could make that choice and I was needed here. That only God could decide he was ready for me to come. I might take over the place at this point.

So with humor in hand I did radiation and I have done all I can do, and lucky for everyone it is to damn humid in Florida right now. So instead I will stand and fight another battle and with my kids I am sure, we shall win. Cue the music ~~~ Glory Glory Hal— I can’t spell it nevermind. You get the picture. Man I have had a busy little life—just imagine what is next? Who know but I bet I will find something to laugh about!

P.S. I think I would like to use one of my many wishes, I would like to wish to be healthy for my kids and for whomever is just around the corner who will share in this thing I call my life. I have always welcomed all of you into my life, so I that is my wish! I would like to be able to simply rejoice and share with you all! Tada hopefully soon I will say another wish granted!